I'm having internal conflict lately. I feel as though I've failed. Yes, it's something I put upon myself.

I've had to supplement a bottle a day of formula for Kian at daycare.

I know, *gasp*, how horrible, that's what some of you are thinking. But, in some way I feel as though I've failed the goal I've set. I really wanted my child to get through life without fake "milk", especially in that dry powered, smelly form. My goal was to breastfeed for at least the first year.

When I was home it was easy. Going back to work it hasn't been so easy. I have a great pump and up until Monday had my own office to do whatever I needed to do in. I think it's more the stress of work, and a natural progression of less milk as he approaches a year and is eating more table foods. He still wants and needs me first thing in the morning, but I couldn't keep up with two bottles he needs for daycare while I'm gone. So he gets one formula bottle now... not for lack of trying everything ever known to man-er woman, to improve it.

But, every time I shake up that smelly stuff I feel a twinge of guilt.


Allisan said...

No you have not failed! You are doing all that you can possibly do. I would be proud if I were you! Some mothers never breastfeed there children. You are a wonderful mommy :)

Mama Grizzly said...

Well, first - PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK! You are doing a wonderful job! But, I SO know where you are - been there - done that. With my first child, I had the same goal and beat myself up when I started formula too. I learned a TON with my first child and was MUCH more successful with my second. A couple of things that really helped keep up my supply? NURSE NURSE NURSE when you're not at work. Did I say NURSE? ;-) Drink LOTS of water and get LOTS of rest. I'd be happy to give you more tips on what worked for me if you're interested. But, PLEASE - give yourself a break and a pat on the back!!!!!!

Lisa said...

Oh dear god! You are worse than Hillary Clinton. You vile woman!

Go jump off a bridge!

TulipGirl said...

When I was nursing my babies, I was able to be home with them. And we still had our nursing struggles. I am SO impressed with any mom who goes the extra mile with breastfeeding while also working outside the home. Even with the occasional formula (unwanted, I know. . . emotionally hard, I know. . .) You've done AMAZING to make things work with breastfeeding while woh!