Measure of Success

I'm finding the blahs are invading my head because I feel I can't measure my successes anymore. Me, being the studious, nerdy one who in grade school LIKED completing worksheets, likes to have a way to measure my day by. In my previous job, completion of tasks was pivotal to implementing the program, dates were to live and die by, forms were the god of EI. Every day I had a billing sheet stating how much work I did and for how many people, and what kind of work (phone calls, visits, paperwork, meetings, etc.) Children did not get services unless I completed forms, made calls, had meetings, etc. Then every 3 months we'd assess those services with more meetings and change things. This was success being measured, especially when decreasing or dismissing services because the child was doing well.
These days I feel like I do so much, but "it" is never done. I don't know exactly what "it" is anyway. I suppose I could make a checklist and check off the chores and activities I do all day, or just list what I do all day but that seems stupid. Counting the number of diapers I change, the outfit changes, the toy clean-ups, the feedings, I know it counts for something, but ti's hard to see 'results'. Yes, there's a clean-bottomed baby with a full tummy, dishes in the dishwasher, dinner in the oven, and toys in the basket but since I just have to do it all over again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, it seems...'unmeasurable'.
And what really gets me is when Kevin sometimes says that it's the weekend so he wants to sleep in or just relax or whatever it is he wants to do. I always (sometimes angrily) remind him that "mommies don't get to sleep in, they don't get weekends or nights off, we're on duty 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, there is no break, unless I just up and leave". Maybe that's part of it, work was 35 hours a week, check in, check out. There is no checking out with your home, husband or child. Not that I want to, I'm just saying.
I suppose that when the child is an adult I will be able to measure my success as a parent. But, the 'result' is a long time coming. Then again, I suppose one could measure each month, each year as a marker of success, achievements, etc. If I really want some measurement I could go shovel the driveway to see instant results =)

1 comment:

Amused said...

Until you work full time AND do the other parenting things, there should be no complaining.