I really dislike change. I guess I am not highly adaptable. Unless I precipitate that change? I like things they way they are, the way they were. But, that can't always be. I want to preserve my past and keep it that way forever. Changes in the present somehow jade the past and make you question everything. Time should just stop sometimes to keep those feelings alive and real. I think I'm in for some major life changes and I am not liking it. These changes will affect a lot of people and things I always knew won't be so and will never be so for Kian. He will never know how it was. That is what saddens me the most I think. That, and second guessing the truth and authenticity of an entire lifetime of events and people.

Perhaps I am an idealist. When I was younger and asked for something or to do something the answer was usually "we'll see" at first. To me, that meant "oh yes, definitely". Let's just say I was disappointed on occasion. I can also be a realist, but sometimes just don't want to be. I like truth and honesty and loyalty and such, but sometimes I don't want to hear and know the truth either. Oh to be a child and stick my fingers in my ears, clench my eyes tight shut, stick out my tongue and just go "lalalalalalalalala" until it's over...

Kevin and I are fine. It's not that.

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