Shy?

Shy, Kian is not. He adjusted quickly to the new daycare in September. When Anna & Steph came over with their boys a few weeks ago, he was on Steph's lap within 3 minutes (despite only seeing her once a year ago at 4 months old). When we go out, especially in the grocery story, he says "hi" to everyone he sees. He shows people things and waves non-stop. It's cute, but there is a part of me that wishes at time he was just a notch less "social".

Shy, I am. If you saw me in a group of my friends you wouldn't think so, but put me in a crowded room, at a party where I do not know a soul, and you'll see what i mean. I am the one who hates being in the middle of the room. I like my back towards the wall, on the perimeter of the room, able to view all that is going on. This way I can pick out my path to the food or bathroom in the least socially confrontational way. There are rumors I cried every day going to school until 4th grade; that I buried my head and would let no one touch me as a small child. I have taught myself "party skills" I call them. To talk with strangers about "easy" subjects (weather, an appetizer, article of clothing, etc.) and will myself to initiate conversations and introduce myself. I prefer to let others approach me. Unfortunately, with my job I am the one who has to make the first contact with clients, so that's been a forced development in my social skills.

While I am not truly socially awkward, I can hold my own and come across as comfortable and "normal", it's just not my most favorite place to be. Kian must get this from Kevin. Kevin is at ease in most situations, as a tourist, at a party, a sporting event, work, anywhere. At times his words seem out of place, his body language says he's totally comfortable meeting new people and enjoys it. He also likes to have his time in the spotlight, whereas I hate to be the center of attention. Let's just say bridal showers and baby showers were challenging in ways for me. I don't like people looking at me all the time. This would be why I only achieved a D in public speaking at Roberts. This is also why when we attend gatherings I stay close to Kevin, make my way to the outside of the group, process who is there, what is happening, locate the exits, bathrooms, food and drinks. Then, especially if Kevin leaves me-which is often the case-I survey the crowd and find that one person I know the most there, make a beeline for them and talk to them until I am more comfortable. I noticed I do this to Kian also, not purposefully however. Even at Kevin's family gatherings I tend to be like this and I tend to hold Kian back before I let him go or let him be passed around. I never thought about it before until I was trying to figure out why I get annoyed when everyone tries to take him as soon as we step into the door. Granted, he doesn't really know these people, but would probably not even care, I was putting my uncomfortableness on him, figuring he needed that time too. Which, I am not sure if he does or not, because I haven't tried it both ways. I don't want to hold him back if he's going to be a social creature and make lots of friends, but there's something to be said for cautiousness and observation. I think it makes us better able to read, analyze and connect with people.

1 comment:

Phil Liatardo said...

I'd run for the border at kevin's family reunions too.