If Jesus had been born in 2011, a modern birth portrayal

Most of you know I'm pretty intent and gung ho about natural births, least invasive medical involvement during pregnancy and birth, and so on. So, I got to thinking about Mary, about baby Jesus, about her birth in a stable. I don't think the stable was that much dirtier than the home, bedroom counterparts of that day. I mean they were made of mud, stone, dirt, etc. But, giving birth alone, with animals and a (let's be honest) clueless, brand-new husband as your only companions? Probably sucked, but Mary was a trooper right?

But, what if Mary had been pregnant and given birth in 2011? What would that birth look like? A whole, heck of a lot different that's for sure! Let's take a look...

--Scene: Doctor's office.----
Doctor (sarcastically): Soooo Mary, you said you're still a virgin eh? You've never had sex huh? Well, the test shows otherwise honey. You're definitely pregnant.

Mary: Well, I uh, I know, I said I was told I was going to be pregnant. But, um, yes, I'm not even married yet.

Doctor: Dear, we don't all have to be married to have sex or be pregnant. I just take care of the ones that are. Now, are you feeling okay? Does your mind seem to be a little off lately? Have you had any strange thoughts? Maybe you just don't remember the night you got pregnant, a little partying perhaps? (writes "watch mental status" in Mary's chart.) I could always have you talk to someone about it, or if you've always had some strange thoughts maybe we can get you some pills.

Mary: Um, no, no it's fine. I just must not remember clearly...

---A few months, a small wedding to Joseph, a lot of whispers and gossip later: A mid-pregnancy ultrasound.---

Tech: So, here's the heart, looks great. Brain looks fine. Measurements seem normal. Would you like to know the gender?

Mary: It's a boy, I'm having a son.

Tech: That's right! How did you know? Did you see it on the screen? I didn't even get there yet.

Mary: Uh..no, God told me.

Tech: Oh, I see. Well, anyhow, it definitely is a boy. Do you have a name picked out yet?

Mary: We're naming him Jesus.

Tech: Jesus eh? I haven't heard that one before and I've heard a lot of names, lots of strange ones too. Where'd you get that one? What does it mean?

Mary: It means "Savior, Messiah, God delivers". Jesus is the Son of God.

Tech: Huh...Son of God eh? Interesting. Well, I don't see any halos or blinding lights or angel wings on this baby, far as my ultrasound wand can see. Hehehe.

---Mary begins labor---

Mary: Joseph, I'm having contractions, it's time to go.

At the hospital....

Nurse: Sorry honey, it's pretty full in there tonight, guess it's a popular night for having a baby. I'll have to have you sit out here in the waiting room for a bit until I clean out a triage room.

Little while later....

Nurse: (Reading Mary's chart) So, you have a "special" baby in there eh? How have you been feeling? Have you had any strange thoughts lately, I mean besides the angels and Son of God stuff?

Mary: I'm having contractions, I'm in pain, can I please have a drink of water? Can I get up to use the bathroom?

Nurse: Nope. You stay laying in bed until the doctor comes to check you. And hold still so I can put this IV in.

Mary: IV? Why? For what?

Nurse: In case we need to give you fluids, pain meds, or if you need surgery, that sort of stuff. It's easier access for us, it's a lot quicker. What's your pain level right now anyway?

Mary: A 5 I guess.

--OB enters--

Doctor: Ok Mary, so let's see where yu're at. We'll check you every few hours and see where you're at with this baby. I've heard a lot about this baby, anything special I should know, besides him being the "Son of God" haha. (Winks at Joseph) You God then Joseph?

Well, you're at a 4. If you're having a lot of pain, I can give you a shot of something, put something in your IV, until you're a bit further, then we can give you an epidural and you won't feel a thing.

Mary: I just want a drink of water and to use the bathroom please.

Doctor: Oh no, no water. You might need a c-section or something, so nothing goes in your stomach. I'll buzz the nurse, she can come back and help you move that IV pole and go to the bathroom.

Nurse enters...

Nurse: Hey Mary, you gotta use the bathroom eh? Well let's get you over there. You know, if you get an epidural we'll give you a catheter so you don't feel the need to go and won't even know when you're going. It's great.

Mary: Great? not feeling half my body is great?

Nurse: Sure is! Then giving birth is a breeze, well unless the baby gets stuck, or you're pelvis is too small-say you are pretty tiny thing, it might happen to you. You want me to call the anesthesiologist now for that epidural?

Mary: No, I'm okay right now. Joseph's helping me handle it and I'm praying and using some massage.

Nurse: Yeah, praying, praying it's over right? haha! Well, you buzz me when you're ready for those meds.

--Few hours later--

Doctor: You're at 10 Mary. Let's start pushing.

Mary: I have felt like pushing for an hour! They wouldn't let me until you were here!

Doctor: Well, let's get to it. You have an hour to get this baby out or we'll have to talk other options, I mean you've been in labor for 11 hours now.

Mary (under her breath): And yet you've made it feel like eternity! Hope the Son of God redeems you before I do!

After pushing for an hour and a half..

Doctor: Come on Mary! Get this baby out. Push harder. I don't know, maybe the baby's just too big. Maybe your pelvis is too small...we might need to start talking c-section. Nurse, check her IVs.

Mary: No! I can do this. I need to sit up, I need to change my position. Laying down just isn't working for me.

Doctor: Well honey, you standing up doesn't work for ME! I need to see what's going on and this is the best angle. So, let's try this again. Go!

Mary: What are we, in a friggin barn? Why can't I give birth the way I want to? Arrrgghh!

Doctor: That's it! There ya go, get mad!

---Finally, baby Jesus is out---

Nurse: It's definitely a boy!

Mary: Oh can I see him? Can I have him?

Doctor: first we need to wash him off a bit, I need to suction him out some more. Then we'll weigh him and let you have him for a bit.

Mary: I can wipe him off, please can I see his face?

Nurse: Here's a quick peek honey, I'm taking him over here to the isolette to get warm and clean. He weighs 7lbs and 12 oz.

Mary: (to herself) I'm warm, I think I could keep him warm. *Sigh*

Doctor: Hmm, we need to take him to the NICU, he seems to be, well "shining" a bit. We don't know what this means. We need to get some blood work and hook him up to monitors and we'll see what else.

Mary: I told you, he's Jesus, the Son of God. Please give me my baby and let me hold him.

Doctor: Do you want us to circumcise him while he's back there with us?

Mary: Well, we are Jewish, and usually have a ceremony for that....

Doctor: Oh I'll just do it quick today in case there are other things we need to take care of, like this shining thing.

Mary: Um, my religious beliefs...I want to have the ceremony, not in the hospital...

Doctor: Fine, I won't do it today. We'll let you know when we find something out about this shining thing, and his heart seems a bit big for a newborn...hopefully we won't have to transfer him to the special children's hospital a few hours away.

Mary: Of course his heart is big...my baby is fine, there's nothing wrong with him. I'd like him to stay here with me.

Doctor: well, these are normal procedures and protocol for when something doesn't go just right, the way we expect in a birth. And we'd better give you a shot, some pitocin to contract the uterus and some vitamin K, you seem a bit pale and tired, we'll check our blood too.

Mary: I just had a baby, of course I'm tired! Have you ever pushed a baby out?

Doctor: Well, um, no I'm a male, that's your job.

Mary: I'm fine! My baby is fine. Just please leave him here and let us have some time.

Doctor: I'm worried about your mental status Mary, you've made some far-fetched claims about this pregnancy and baby, and something is a bit off with him. Maybe we need a psych visit and some more blood work. Do you regularly take anything? Vitamins, supplements or illegal drugs?


....I'd like to think at this point, Joseph steps in and the doctor backs off... Of course the hospital really went into a frenzy when the wise men came to visit...

30 for 30?

Had the most awesome idea today...talk about making history! I'll be turning 30 in May. Unlike the rest of the world I"m not really "freaking out" that I'm turning 30. I don't feel any older, and most days I still feel like I look like I'm too young instead of old enough (like I still look like a college kid instead of a mom with 2 of her own kids...could be the sweats and glasses somedays? no?) Anyways...it's more like awe that I am really 3 decades old. I mean, I feel the same as I did at 18. My body, except for the obvious baby-producing areas, remains much in the same as it was at that age, some areas even better, some not so much...but nothing broken, no gray hairs, (probably some wrinkles, but i got complemented on my skin's elasticity a few weeks ago haha) no aches in my back--except while pregnant, etc.

Well, anyway, the point is...I have been reading all my friends' posts about turning the big 3-0 and some are totally hating it, some are embracing it, some don't care. But, along with this whole making history theme I've got going here, I want to make this birthday make history. No, I don't mean by the biggest bash and getting drunker than Charlie Sheen and not remembering my name in the morning and losing lots of cash in slots. I dislike being the center of attention (showers and birthdays make me uncomfortable, too much focus on me and I feel greedy) so I don't want ME to be celebrated. But, in honor of me being 3 decades old soon, I thought well, GIVE! Give back, give it away. Instead of asking for the same boring household items I always ask for (cookie sheets, towels, gift card for new shirts...yawn) why not ask people, no tell them, to not give me a gift. Instead, give the world a gift!

I want to have donations made in my name or just given to some charities and feel like something worthwhile is being done, lives are being changed. I appreciate gifts, I do, but adult gifts are boring. It's really hard thinking of things to ask for anymore. I hate asking anyways, I usually wait until people have bugged me a billion times. ;) So, I started looking into some charities/organizations...one I'm really interested in is Compassion International. They have several programs besides just the sponsor a child section, which is really cool too and something the boys could become involved in, communicating back and forth.

Then, a bigger, better idea hit me! What if I could line up 30 charities for my 30th birthday? Yes 30. If I post my ideas and my developments on facebook and my blog, perhaps I could get others to join in with me. And I don't necessarily mean huge gifts, but heck, ten bucks per charity is something! So, perhaps it's a bit out there, but I'm going to do some research and I have about 6 in mind already and I'll keep y'all updated... thinking BIG here. Enough about ME. History is in the making...

Birthday pics

Welcome to Two. I hope it is as good to you (and us) as one was!


I don't think I've stopped moving in 3 days, except the 2 hour nap Kian and I took this afternoon. I had to, I haven't in a long time, but I got hit with the nasty cold and yucky cough that Kian had last week. I came home early to rest up. And will be hitting the sack again shortly. Kevin is upstairs painting the baby's room. Go Kevin!

This was Monday or Tuesday night, I'm not sure which. Before the torrential, never-ending rain started. They were herding the geese in Churchville Park.

Kian throwing rocks in the creek-kept him entertained for at least an hour.

Kevin fishing under the bridge. I like this, now I need to figure out how to use it in some good pictures.

Too cute.



It rained for at least 3 days straight. By Saturday, we were all miserable. I was trying to bake and decorate cakes, while Kevin finished up last minute cleaning and Kian just wanted to go outside. I told Keivn to just take him out, I didn't care where, I didn't care for how long and I didn't care how wet they got. They went back to Black creek (it wasn't raining there-go figure) and fished and played in the water so I could finish everything in the house.


Luckily, the rain stopped around 4:30 am on Sunday, the sun came out and dried everything up just in time for the party. It went well, plenty of food (I always worry I don't have enough) even though I did mess up the potato salad! I used Russet instead of white potatoes--such a shame, sorry Gram! But, Kian had a blast!

Loving his new baseball set from Gramps
Yes, he's batting right in this picture, he bats left mostly, but is a switch hitter. I hear they make more money...same with left handed pitchers? =D



Of course a box is a great present as well!



Patrick & Savannah aka "Packy & Nannah"

Kenny giving Kian a ride in his new wagon

Kiara trying out the tee-ball

Kian's new train table from the in-laws

First fishing pole from Pat & Savannah
love his zoo birthday crown from school?



Courtesy of Elissa: me with the so-so cake
(the engine car just would not come out right! pieces were sliding all over!)



Kian blowing out his candle--almost burning his lips off!


Next year...it's just cake and ice cream party. Sorry, no more barbeques and Wegmans' catered lunches! =) I'm sure Kian will want friends at next year's party, and that will be an awful lot of work, so cake and ice cream only! Besides it will be baby #2's first birthday next year, I guess he'll get the big party.

Two!

My baby boy is TWO!! How did that happen already? Talk about time flying right by. Maybe it's because I am pregnant this June again, but I can feel, hear, see, smell everything about that day he was born. And, most of it wasn't too pretty. But, he was perfect and it was all so worth it.

It's amazing to see such distinct features of both Kevin and I in him at various times. He is such a mix of the two of us, yet very much his own person. He's got amazing energy, if I didn't remind him or put him down for sleep, he wouldn't. He's snuggly when he wants to be, but much more so lately. (It's as if he knows his only child status is coming to an end shortly and making the most of it!) His big blue eyes, and curly, crazy hair make me just want to eat him up. He's lost most of that "baby fat" and is getting taller and looking like such a little boy now.

I am amazed by all he does and knows. He is definitely a sponge. Remembering too much at times. And persistent, the boy does. not. give up. Ever. He will make sure I hear him loud and clear and remind me until I do it. Distraction works sometimes, but he can be so focused at times. I'm sure this will come in handy down the road with school work or hobbies, but it can wear on a person.

Of course, his incredible vocabulary and language only adds to the ability of non-stop reminders. He loves to learn everything and remembers names and labels of anything you tell him or show him. Awhile back Kevin and I stopped and looked at each other because we realized he had just sung the entire alphabet song, on his own. Um, what? We sing it, but not that much. I'm sure they sing it at daycare also, but for him to remember it all, so young, pretty incredible. He uses lots of phrases (even ones we don't want him to hear and repeat) and is now putting all those little words in there for proper grammar (the, is, a, etc.). That makes it easier for us to know exactly what he means. He can name more animals than I can count, and speaking of, he counts to 16 now. He'll look at things and without counting out loud just say "2 elephants" or "3 trucks".



Ahh yes, trucks. True to every little boy stereotype he loves trucks, trains, tractors, and cars. He has a wide variety of toys, even a baby doll, but this is his current obsession. And we talk about them and he tells me the scooper or the digger. I'll have to educate myself to continue keeping up with him. Of course, bugs are also on the list, but mostly to point them out and get excited about them. He has tried to pet a bee, luckily I caught him first. He still loves books more than anything and can now recite them word for word, page by page.

Kian also thinks he's a lot bigger and older than he is, by default of being the oldest/only child. I see this as my childhood trait as well. Kevin was/is the baby and never seems to get that. Kian thinks he can play every sport and game and do every activity, no matter what it is, that older kids or adults do. Today he cried and cried until Kevin played pool with him. Then he begged and cried Kevin to go fishing. "Daddy go fishing pole!" Over and over. I said that I didn't care if it was raining, I needed to finish a cake and clean the house and would Kevin please just take him?! They did and had a blast. Try telling a 2 year old he isn't old enough to cut with a knife, play pool, use daddy's drill, to name a few. It does not go over well. I'm all about the teaching him to use some things appropriately under our watch or use stand ins for the same idea. Kevin, not so much-just tells him he's too little. But, I don't want to squash his enthusiasm and love of learning. And yes, there are boundaries and I do say no and there are limits to what he can do.

I look forward to see Kian become a big brother. I know there will be some rough times, but I think he will do an amazing job of caring for, helping with, and teaching his little brother so many things. I pray his personality doesn't change, his persistence and hungry mind continue to grow and develop. I love him being mommy's boy and hope he always remembers that. I love his independence but also his need to come back and fill up on snuggles and to have us explain and teach him more. I even love when he tries to be naughty but just can't because he's laughing too hard and he knows he wants to please us too. Even though I am not the social part of this marriage, Kian gets that from Kevin, I love that he is uninhibited in most social situations and his willingness to try new things. I hope to foster that and I know it will take him far and let him discover so much in life.



To my dear, sweet imp, the shadow of a baby behind a little boy, who's eyes sparkle with joy and even naughtiness, who's hugs are tight squeezes, who loves to pet his baby brother, who can't sit without questioning and learning life, who is my pure joy, day in and day out, who's giggles make a bad day go away in an instant, I love you more than you know and hope you have a great second birthday. Always know you are special because you made us parents. May this new year be a blessed one as you forge a new relationship with your baby brother and we get to know you even more. May you never stop loving to learn and continue to amaze with all you do. I love you! Happy 2nd Birthday Kian!

New Swingset!

We got Kian a swing set for his birthday! Here's Kevin trying to figure out the (of course) Chinese-made parts with the worst instructions we've ever seen!


There may have been lots of yelling, throwing, dropping pieces and losing screws under the deck...

But it's finished.



And he loves it.

Catching up from the weekend...

Because of all that was going on, I didn't get to blog my usual Saturday Morning Post. It was quite the long week and busy weekend. There is a lot going on at work with changes in people and the job and other things we will find out soon, I hope. It's very strange so it will be nice to actually know what is really going on.

Friday I got out of work early to have a "parent-teacher conference" with Kian's teacher. It's just funny, I mean how much can you 'conference' about on a 12 month old? She just said that they are working on using spoon/fork with him and increasing the sippy cup. I am cutting out the bottles gradually. I only send one bottle, about 3 oz, then a sippy cup of Organic Whole Milk (unfortunately, he was reacting to both soy and rice milk! go figure!). Then Kian and I went grocery shopping for his party. I came home to make Grandma McKnight's famous potato salad!

Saturday, the actual birthday! Kevin worked in the morning, like a typical Saturday morning. I cleaned and baked cakes while Kian napped. Then we went to Seabreeze after lunch for my employee picnic, and of course Kian's birthday! Jon went with us, when doesn't Jon go with us? =) Here's a few pictures--

Taking Kian on the train: Jon and Kevin waiting in line for the Bobsleds...looooong wait:
Kian on the carousel:
Kevin and Jon on the Yoyo/Swings:
Kian, chillin' after some water rides:

He did so well at Seabreeze. He rode in his stroller fine . We took him in the wave pool and on the lazy river. Unfortunately, our tube turned under this mushroom shower thing and Kian and I got blasted in our faces. I tried to shield him but he started to scream, and I my contacts went MIA for a few minutes. But, he was fine. The kiddie water activities were still a little older for him, as were the other rides. I won him a small zebra playing the 'whack-a-mole' game. He even napped for a bit. When we got home that night he was still wired so we let him open his presents from us.

Books, books and more books. The boy loves books, so he got about 20 of them from us.

Sunday was Kian's birthday party! We made sure to give him a good morning nap before everyone arrived. We grilled some chicken and sausage and had that famous potato salad of Gram's. Dad gave it a 98 out of a 100. I think that's the closest I'll ever come. No one can ever get it 'just right'. Even I admit, it's not 100% the same. But it came out well at least. Because Kian's cake didn't come out as I had hoped, I had to make a quick Wegmans run to buy another for the rest of the guests. Oops. He did great, he wasn't cranky, he ate, he played, he let everyone pass him around and wanted to play with all his toys. It was a great day!

He had so many presents! I'm glad I didn't turn this into a really big deal, I don't think I could take any mroe presents!Sandbox from grandma & grandpa glor:His mohawk, courtesy of Aunt NeeNee:I made his cake, but it didnt' turn out as well as I'd hoped. It was a number 1 just with sugar stars all over it. We have video of Kevin and Kian ruining it. I'll try to get that up later this week.His bike from Mema & Gramps: He looks like such a big boy here!

And tonight for the final baby to toddler passage: we turned the carseat around in Kevin's car, so he's facing forward. We haven't taken the infant seat out of my vehicle to put in his new seat yet, maybe tomorrow. TOmorrow he also has his 12 month check up. I don't anticipate any issues, but I hear we might have to do a lead/blood test. No fun!

weekend pics

Here's Savannah, Patrick, Kourtney & Kevin playing foosball Kenny & Kiara playing Wii baseball

This is what happens when you have a not expensive digital camera in the dark with candles. Kenny's 8.
Cake made by Savannah:
I also tried using Photoshop elements 6.0 and I do not care for it. It seemed to take my photos and make them 'grainy' looking and I don't know why. I either need to invest in a nicer camera/photoshop combo or go back to microsoft picture it where I know how to use it...blah.