Jessica. You would think that was her only name, but it's not. Jess, Jessie, the usual suspects, plus there's her last names Newcomb, Scholten, Pyhtila, Glorcomb...then there was Aunty J (to my Aunty K) and she started this strange thing about Domi-J (more on that later) but then I began calling her Yessica (I guess her Dutch grandmother does also) and she began calling me Kwyten/Kwytenbug. And thus was born the Kwyten & Yessica show.
But, I'm ahead of myself already. Let's back up, to the day I actually met this girl. It was June of 1999. We both had decided to come to Roberts and were participating in an overnight orientation. Alphabetically, our last names were close to each other and we were put in the same groups, a lot, that weekend, and in rooms near each other. For some strange reason that only God knows, because God has a mega sense of humor I guess, we connected that weekend and latched onto each other. We also drooled over the same guy, I think I remember who, but that doesn't matter anymore, neither of us got him, nor wanted him much after that.
After much deliberation (90 seconds) we decided we should become roomates in the fall. So we signed up and crossed our fingers. That fateful day in August rolled around and my sad parents brought me and my meager belongings to Roberts. We pulled in the parking lot and there was a huge pickup truck, overflowing with bags, boxes, baskets, trunks, you name it, it was in there. My mom says "wow that's a lot of crap, I feel sorry for whoever is that person's roommate". See, here's God's sense of humor again...you knew it didn't you? That was Jessica and all her junk, ...er stuff, and I was that poor roommate. That girl filled our 12x12 room to overflowing. I was getting kinda nervous about where I was even going to sleep with all her clothes and hygiene products!And speaking of hygiene products, that girl loved baby powder like fat kids love cake. Unlike my asthma lungs loved cigarette smoke, which is what that room looked like every morning, and what it felt like to my poor, pink lungs. Eventually she got over that, like 2 years later.So, we figured out how to fit me in her room and thus began our love, love, hate, love relationship. The very first thing Yessica screamed me stupid for was my yoga tape, yes VHS tape. She said it was satanic, I said it's only stretching. We never worked out that year anyways. We fell into a strangely comfortable, on-edge relationship. We began feeling so comfortable with each other that we began to argue. Little at first, but over the years it grew bigger. And we liked it, so odd that we were.
When I finally decided I'd had enough of the highschool boyfriend, but was still sad over the end, she came home with me and helpfully pointed out every other good-looking male that breathed. This is when the craziness started. The thing is, we were both "good girls", we both were focused on our school work and studied a lot, but also needed some down-time. So, we created alternate personas. Neither of us had a car, so we were stuck on campus a lot, but we liked the other girls in the hall, so it was okay. We liked them so much, we decided to entertain them with our alternate personas. Or we'd sit in our rooms, on our exact same computers across from each other, instant messaging each other while talking to each other on the microphones...to test them out of course!
May rolls around and we begin talking about the next year and decided, despite our few spats, we should be roommates again. We sign up again, choose our room and we're set. Over the summer I distinctly remember going to her home in Syracuse, eating a stir-fry, skillet-in-a-bag thing and then vomiting all night while, wonderful friend she was, slept right through it. Then there was the time I 'pretended' to 'climb' a tree on campus and she jokingly yells out "SECURITY!" and of course the security guard was just behind her on his bike and thought she needed help. He gave me a "talking too". (basically, while laughing, he told me please don't get hurt and crack my head open climbing trees on campus, especially since it was a 3 inch around sapling.)
Back in school again, I meet Kevin and she meets a guy. This caused lots of arguments, I mean clearly these boys were taking us away from each other. How could they? She became super involved with the nameless boy and we began having more arguments. I vividly remember a yelling match down the hall with dorm-mates and my friends present. She soon left me, for another roommate on the other side of the quads, spring semester. Jody let her have boys in her room, even though it was against the rules. After we cooled down we still hung out and obviously in May we just knew we had to be roommates again, but we were getting the campus apartments this time as juniors! We just would be perfect together rooming and sharing an apartment again!
This time actually was the worst hate, love, hate time in our lives. She continued seeing that boy, got engaged to him, un-engaged a few times and re-engaged a few times. I tried to ever so gently point out, that I didn't think it was a good idea. But, she disagreed. She also helpfully pointed out all of Marine Guy's faults and Kevin's too.
And thus Psychotic Hour was born. I claim Jess came up with all these names, I do not want any patents or copyrights associated with me. This usually consisted of whatever argument turning into a chase around the apartment, flying freezing, cold water hitting everyone and everything, laughing and snorting and being so loud that our neighbors would pound on the wall or door to shut us up. And it was only 9 o'clock! And cheap wine, nor beer, nor vodka had ever touched our lips.
Essentially, we knew how to push each other's buttons, how to make each other laugh hysterically and how to drag each other out of the pit of despair. It really was great. Except those times she would beg and cry to me she needed to pee while I was in the shower, and I'd lovingly unlock the door, and be blasted with freezing cold water on my naked body. Yep, that's love. Why she thinks that is so funny, I don't know, and yes she still thinks it's the most hilarious thing ever in her life.
Then, it happened. She married that guy. I was supposed to be in her wedding, but just before we decided to go into one of our hate modes and I didn't. I feel bad, but then again, I didn't want her to marry that guy. And with good reason, as he left her high and dry and did her wrong. I had some foreshadowing perhaps... She got back at me by not coming to my wedding. And you know what the best part is? We laugh about it and think it's funny. There really was never any hard feelings, well none that wouldn't dissapate after 23 seconds.
When Kevin and I had a big fight right after we were married, she came and spent the night with me, leaving her then-husband alone. And when he left her, I spent the night with her and left my husband alone. There's no beating around the bush, we say what we mean, and mean what we say, and sometimes we say it mean. When I think she's being stupid I tell her, when she thinks I need some smacking around she does it. But we have learned we are better off NOT roommates. Even when she came to stay with Kevin and I one time, I yelled at her. Lord only knows why, it's just what we do. Sadly, I haven't seen her in person in almost 2 years, she hasn't seen Kian yet. I can't punch her in the gut or pour freezing water on her, but I can make her snort like nobody's business on the phone or even on instant message. Sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself, better than Kevin or my mother even do.
She's a gypsy now. So, I don't know when I shall see her again. She's here and there and everywhere (kinda like the Gummy bears--come on you know you remember that song!) Ok, okay she's not really a gypsy. She set off on some sort of missions trip April 2006 and it turned into this Moses thing where she travels the world for 40 years...or something like that. I just know that every few weeks I get more emails and news that she's in another country or state or continent, or joining a convent, or selling orphans on the black market or preparing monkey meat in Tansinia...you know, the usual things people like her do. But, I don't know what I'd do without her. She'll put the fear of God in you then make laugh so hard your brain flies out your nose. And we all know that everyone needs a friend like that. So, here's to Yessica, my longest relationship yet-9 years and still going strong.
And now you know the rest of the story. Good day.