Envy

Maybe I should be sitting in a confessional somewhere. I've got to admit that I sometimes deal with envy. It's not that it takes over my life, but I notice it and throw a few sarcastic remarks around, about whatever it is I am feeling envious over.

I suffer from blog envy. Which stems from my photoshop envy (I have a serious secret love affair with it from a distance) and that probably comes from my financial envy. That seems like a lot, but I don't think it is really. I see other blogs with cool backgrounds, layouts, headings, poetic writing and I feel a little underachieving in the blog department. Then, I realize I don't have expensive cameras or expensive photoshop programs (I can't just shell out $600 for one or both!) as much as I'd like to have them both. That in turn, makes me realize a lot of other things I don't afford. Not that I necessarily want or need them. But, I know quite a few adults whose parents still pay for many things for them, buy them things, or just hand over money. It can get a bit frustrating when I see that, knowing I work my tail off to pay my student loans back, pay my mortgage, etc. Yes, I know that some of those adults don't even have a mortgage, which probably lets them afford other things.

Of course, I always am envious of those skinny girls, especially the ones that drop sizes 2 months after giving birth. I am proud that I lost all my pregnancy weight and then some (I haven't seen this number since freshman year in college!), but then feel deflated when I realize it took me almost a year, and took others mere months.

It's a vicious cycle. I am envious that I don't have money handed to me, or things, I don't come from a wealthy background obviously. But, then again, growing up I learned to earn, to work hard and save. If I wanted something that wasn't a necessity then I needed to go above and beyond and figure it out. There's a trend lately, especially in the upcoming generation, of entitlement. I never had that, never experienced that, and I am thankful that I learned about hard work and standards and good work ethic. But still, we all would love to win the lotto wouldn't we?