Kian: *poke* Come out baby brudder.
Me: um, let's wait until August at least, okay? We don't want a micro-preemie on our hands.
No matter what we do as parents, we always feel like there are times we're just bad at it, or we've failed. It never goes as planned and we have our own needs that get in the way too.
I yanked his arm to get him to stand up and stop throwing a tantrum at the museum.
I didn't watch as closely as he came down the hardwood stairs and he fell.
I accidentally spilled my drink all over him at dinner. (wait, isn't that supposed to be the other way around?)
I raised my voice when he wouldn't stop beating the cats. I raised my voice a lot that day.
I was too sick and tired to get up and play with him even after he asked me too.
Did I scar him for life?
I'm afraid of having 2 boys to be quite honest. I always saw myself as the mother of a couple girls and one boy, not the other way around. We'll see how it goes. Good thing I'm not afraid to get as dirty as I get dressed up. But, at the end of each day I always feel I messed something up or didn't give my all in parenting and it makes me feel bad.
But, then I think about other mothers. Mothers who don't try, who don't care, who beat their children, burn them, murder them. I pray for those children. I think of the mothers who have tried and been involved parents but their children still turn out horrible and I'm sure they blame themselves.
Mothers in history I wouldn't want to be:
~Hitler's mother. Jeffery Dahmer's mother. Mother's of murderous children-Columbine killers, etc. They probably asked themselves "what in the world did I do/not do for this happen?"
~Teen celebrity mothers-Olsen twins, Jonas brothers, Miley Cyrus, etc. Too much pressure to keep up with trends, too many schedules and societal, media nuts; too easy to lose track of what's really important and end up with spoiled, bratty, drug-addicted children.
~Mary, mother of Jesus. Talk about pressure, talk about intimidating. Wow. And when I think I've failed at times, I can't imagine how she must have felt. Every second of the day, every breath, knowing this child has huge plans already set for his life, wondering if every little thing you're doing is helping or hurting to save the entire world. Eek. I'll stick with my small failures of a normal child who will turn into a veterinarian or auto designer, thank you very much.
And of course on Mother's day I am up at 6 am while Kian actually is sleeping in! What is wrong here?
Happy Mother's Day!