Something about Mary

In the past I've talked about Jesus the baby and how the wonder of the birth of a baby come to die and save the world put me in awe. But, this year, after giving birth twice (one excruciatingly long and hard and one so quick and easy) my thoughts are about Mary. Mary the girl, the woman, the mother.

I wonder if Mary knew exactly what she was getting into when the angel came to her, a girl, telling her she'd be pregnant and still should marry the man who was not the baby's father. She obeyed. What if she hadn't? Did Mary know how fast she'd have to grow up to become a mother and a wife, in such a short time? She and Joseph held their heads' high among stinging gossip I'm sure of that. Being pregnant is not easy all the time, and before marriage in those days I'm certain was shameful but she pressed on to do God's will.

Days of traveling by donkey while at the end of her pregnancy must have been the most uncomfortable journey. Even certain roads while driving in a car would jar my already sore body while in the last trimester, but a donkey? Ouch. I know it was part of God's plan, but the woman in me, the already-been-pregnant woman in me still finds it incredible that not one person in that town would give up their bed or room for this young woman about to give birth. Not even women who had already gone through childbirth and could sympathize with her would give up their bed? Shocking.

I imagine Mary, feeling her body readying to deliver this baby, exhausted and needing a place to just lay down and give birth. I was in a familiar hospital with great staff, my mother and my husband with me both times. To be all alone, in a strange town with no family, only your new husband (who, being an arranged marriage probably she didn't even know him exceptionally well) giving birth to your first child and finding yourself in a stable. A stable! To look around and see cows, sheep, donkeys, a few mats or blankets you threw on the dusty dirt floor, seeing only a wooden box filled with hay. But, probably in the throes and pains of labor not really noticing too much at the time. The Bible doesn't say, and maybe the innkeeper's wife came out to the stable to help Mary deliver, we don't know. Most likely she was alone with Joseph and maybe one other person, birthing this baby. I"m sure Mary saw or assisted in a few births of her family members, but for sure Joseph had never witnessed one, it wasn't done in those days.

And after delivering her baby, Mary laid in a barn, with animals. There were no nurses to get her juice, bring her another blanket, to take the baby so she could sleep. There was no disinfecting, hand-washing or stitching done by a doctor. Only by God did this woman not become ill and infected after childbirth in a barn. That in itself is a miracle. I see why Catholics make a big deal of Mary. Circumstances alone are amazing. Mary was obedient, even though I bet she wasn't entirely sure of what she was getting herself into. She had to adapt quickly and mature fast. She made it through when odds (in those days) said she wouldn't or shouldn't. Both she and her newborn baby. And so, this year, closely after giving birth to another child, I am awed and amazed by Mary and her role in the Christmas story, and beyond.

And...it's Kian-isms again

"Probably I need more grape juice." After noisily slurping done the little I gave him. "No, you may have water now" I told him. "Okay, probably I need water then".

Upon using the toilet and starting to get down, I stopped him and told him to wait because he was dripping. "Yeah, daddy shakes off his pee pee". Classic!

Falling asleep: "Grandpa...was...real." Huh?

"I did not lose my story pridivigiles (privileges) today, right mommy?" Nope, you did not.

"I can't touch them because they are fragile and might break". Exactly.

"We should go to the 'hopstible' and get another baby!" Me: We should? A boy or a girl? "A sister baby!" (I totally agree Kian)

In just 30 months...

*I scheduled this post to publish this morning and I hadn't finished it or spell-checked it! So as off 11:45 am I have finished and edited it...oops!

This "baby" boy has turned my life upside down. And I wouldn't ever trade one minute of it. I jumped in this parenting thing with both feet running and never looked back, from the second that line turned pink. Even writing this a few weeks before I post it, I have so much to say about Kian.

Kian: Cian; Irish/Gaelic warrior; meaning ancient. I loved that Kian was the name of a warrior in Irish stories. This boy? He's a warrior. He's tough. He's rugged. He's stubborn. He doesn't give up (I love his persistence!). He's as feisty as they come. He falls down and jumps back up, never missing a beat. From the minute he wakes up, proclaiming loudly to the house "I'm awake! Good morning!" to the minute we make him go to bed, still loudly chattering away and at times protesting.

He's going to be a leader. He's got confidence and attitude. He's too smart sometimes, exasperating us as we are confined with what we do and say in front of him. His memory is made of steel and reminds us of many mistakes we've made along with all the good things. His love of learning is insatiable. It's not good enough to say "don't do this". He needs to know why and how and what the outcomes might be that make mommy and daddy say what we say. He knows the story of Columbus because he asked about Columbus day, the Nativity and so many Jesus,& Bible stories, and tells us how the process of toys and electronics work.

I am so in love with him it's ridiculous. (which happens to be one of his favorite sayings "that's ridiculous, mommy!) I love both of my boys to death, but something about the firstborn, the one that makes you a parent for the first time, is amazing. And perhaps I feel with him a little too much at times because I am a firstborn also. It's not easy being the firstborn, the eldest, and it's not easy being two, and it's not easy adjusting to a sibling. So, though I have lost patience at times, these things always come back to my mind and I am ready to keep at it with him, gently. The last few months have been hard, challenging, fun, amusing, tearful, heartwarming, so many emotions all rolled together. Seeing him love on his brother, seeing him swat at his brother. Seeing some jealousy rear up, seeing some brotherly protectiveness sprout... We're on the upswing and it's so much more enjoyable.

And he is so in love with his brother it's crazy. He was very protective at first; stopping every child, cat or object, fiercely exclaiming "don't see my brother!". Thankfully, he's slightly more willing to share with his chosen ones. He loves to help give Karter a bath or find his burp cloth. Kian tells me how to take care of his baby. "Change his diaper, mommy, he pooped!" Or "feed him mommy, now feed him on the other side!" Just in case I hadn't done this before. For now he's gladly sharing any and all of his toys (even the non-infant-safe ones like trains and cars with loose wheels) and we all know that will change very quickly. He tries to teach Karter things and helps him with tummy time to "get strong and big like me". Of course, sometimes his help is no help at all--trying to pick Karter up from the floor or out of the swing. And laying on him suffocating him with kisses so much that his face is dripping wet. Or laying next to him and then rolling Karter up on him. (And this is in the two seconds I am just trying to put a pair of pants on!) My fault for preparing him on how babies will act when they come home but forgetting to prepare him for how he needs to be with the baby. Duh!

Now that Kian is older I felt that I haven't' updated much on him lately. Sure, I post lots of the funny things he says (funny to me). But, since he's two... and a half now I thought for my own record at least I would just catch us all up to speed. His gross motor skills are great, running, jumping up with two feet, on and off steps, jumping forward he mastered in November. He can stand on one foot for a short period of time and climbs like a monkey if we let him. He still does fall, more than I think he should. We took him to the orthopedist in September and agreed he has very flat feet and we were given the option of getting arch inserts or letting it go, that it wouldn't make a difference yet. With the urging of the doctor we opted to wait. If it continues much longer I will get them. Obviously uneven surfaces and when he's tired, this happens a lot more, but it's part of the reason he's so banged up all the time. (Other times it's his never-slow-down attitude and mommy's content to let him explore and discover and take risks on his own.) Potty training had regressed a lot to the point where we were almost back in diapers full-time but in the last few weeks he's doing awesome. One day we just overcame the pooping in the toilet thing and he's been going in there ever since. I love that part. He is total boy in that he cannot pull himself away from playing to pee, so I constantly am reminding him and taking him so we avoid wet pants. I wish that part would hurry up and be done with!

Obviously we all know how chatty and witty he is =D He knows so many songs and loves to tell me to find them on the computer (youtube is highly entertaining for a two year old I guess!) He picked up all the lyrics to the Christmas songs from the short rides in the car, but loves to make one big song out of them. I make him "read" me books now because he's got them all memorized. He names the letters of the alphabet and tells you a person or thing that starts with each letter (A for Ace, G for Grant or Gramps, J for Jon, etc.). He recognizes his name, Karter's, mommy, daddy, all the cats' names, and about ten other words right now in writing or on flashcards. I've kind of neglected numbers for letters...oops. He can count to thirty. If you ask him how many of something you have and it's over two he likes to say "lots". He's gotten lazy! He tries very hard to write Ks. One of his favorite things to do at dinner or in the car is rhyme words-hockey, rocky, socky. It can be highly entertaining to see what he comes up with. Same with his imagination, it's just going crazy lately. The scenarios he comes up with and how he pretends things is so fun. It makes playing with him that much more enjoyable. He will be going back to Pearce in two weeks for 3 days each week, when I go back to work. I think it will be good for both of us. He can have time away from Karter and with his friends, and a good routine will be back in place for him. This will help with potty and overall keeping him from being bored and in trouble too much.


The downside to some of these things is that he's so darn smart, stubborn and independent (probably all my fault) that we butt heads, and hard when we do. Sometimes he is the sweetest, most polite boy ever (using 'excuse me' to get down from the table, or when I'm on the phone) and other times it's like living with the Tasmanian devil, only deaf- because I can't imagine any other reason he's not listening right?! And that you can't fool him anymore. Gone are the days of "it's all gone" or "it's dirty, you can't eat it" or "I can't find it". He'll do it himself then, or call us out on it. Oops! We both are navigating these new waters between baby and preschooler head-on, with excitement and some weariness. But, mostly it's fun and silly and definitely a learning process on all ends. I wouldn't trade the boy for the world and am thankful I get to be his mama.

Contest!

MckMama's giving away some awesome gifts to go along with that new camera under your tree: http://www.mycharmingkids.net/2009/12/power-of-two.html

The Tree experience

Italian snowball cookies

My great grandmother used to make these heart-attack inducing cookies.  So easy, so delicious, but watch out if you don't want a gallbladder attack, don't eat too many =)

4 cups flour

2 cups butter (I used margarine just fine)

3/4 cup powdered sugar

1/2 tsp salt

1-2 cups chopped walnuts

Mix first 5 ingredients, and add walnuts last.  Roll into balls (we used ice cream scoop sized balls) bake 10 mins at 350, or until just beginning to turn golden on the bottom.  (It's very easy to over-bake these and then they get very hard and you can't eat them!) Immediately toss them into a bowl of powdered sugar to coat.  Then let cool.  Sometimes you need two or three separate tosses in the sugar.  It's a delicious blend of buttery, nutty, just-right sized cookie with a hint of sweet on the outside.  I seriously could eat them all in one sitting, but would probably need some new arteries after that... enjoy!

Confessions of a dairy free cow: I don't really miss it

So, I have been officially off dairy for 2.5 months now.  Yes, there is the occasional slip up when eating out or like at holidays when everyone else was cooking.  It's hard for me to say no when it's in front of me, so I'd have a few bites here and there.  But, overall cow's milk has been replaced by rice milk (soy was attempted but Karter reacted to that as well, and Kian broke out in a rash all over his face with it) butter by margerine, olive oil, etc. 

It's stretched my cooking creativities to replace things or make them another way.  By and large, most recipes that call for mlik can use water.  If not, then I just try things another way.  It hasn't been too bad.  And it has caused us to eat a lot more fruits and vegetables.  Most processed foods have milk, whey or casein in them to add protein or calories, so it's limited processed foods, which is a good thing!  Gone are the days when I'd chomp on granola bars on the fly, crackers and cheese are out the window (most crackers have whey in them!) I'm much more conscious of what I eat now.  And I thought I was good at it before!  Reading labels and such...

I always made healthier choices, but not it's a necessity.  And, I feel better for it.  Yesterday my mom brought a crackers and cheese plate, and Savannah and Kiara made chocolate truffles with heavy cream...temptation!  I tried the truffles-delish!  And while cleaning up there was 2 lonely pieces of cheese left.  I should have thrown them out.  But, my impulsiveness overtook me and before I knew it those 2 pieces were in my mouth, after all I haven't had cheese since mid-September.  Bad choice.  Poor Karter's been up all night reflux, rumbly tummy and projectile vomiting across the couch.  And has a little rash.  That's fun.  (Makes me wonder what would happen if I was the kind of mom who ignored the signs of the milk allergy and kept eating/drinking dairy or if I was a formula mom--he'd be the most miserable baby and have tons of problems!)  So, it's just not worth it!  Plus last night after those few dairy things I noticed myself clearing my throat a lot and having some extra mucous in there-haha sorry to share!

Overall, I do not miss it.  I was never a milk drinker, just splashed some in my cereal.  Rice milk takes care of that.  I've figured out lots of ways to make things dairy free.  Casseroles are a bit of a stretch because they all call for cheese or cream soups.  I'm still working on that one!  I did make a spaghetti/chicken/spinach casserole thing using broth.  Not quite the same, but hey, they ate it!  I do not miss milk at all, I don't really miss cheese, ice cream? not so much, there's plenty of great sorbets and fruit pops.  Spinach artichoke dip would put me over the edge if I saw it, but I'll just keep that out of my mind.  Mashed potatoes can be made with plain rice milk and margarine and I don't notice a difference--I'm sure hardcore dairy loves might, but not me. Cheese on tacos and other Mexican foods is replaced with olives and avocado chunks; this gives that fat that cheese used to put on there (but the good fats!) and adds better flavor too.  I haven't really had a craving for any dairy products at all. Kevin is the only one who continues to want cow's milk, but will use margarine and all my other substitutes.  The farther away I get from it, the better I feel.  Sometimes I consider going vegetarian, since we're almost there with our barely eating meat ways.  Shopping and creating these foods is harder task than not eating or not wanting it!  I'm just over dairy I guess.  =)

Pitfalls of unrealistic expectations

In my big revelation day yesterday (aka things I already knew but finally realized again) I thought a lot about unrealistic expectations. I have to admit that I have a tendency to place unrealistic expectations on people, not all the time, but often enough that I recognize it and they do too at times. I don't mean to, it just happens. It comes from me knowing that they know better or should know things or do things but due to circumstances may not be able to.

In regards to Kian, I recognized this in Kevin much earlier than I did in myself. Kevin would become frustrated and say things like "why is he doing...?" or "why is he acting like...?" or on and on. My answer was always "because he's too!" Then, I realized I too was expecting too much of him.

Now, I'm not giving Kian a free pass using the terrible twos excuse or anything, but I know it's rough being two and trying to adjust to all the changes and to try to be so independent. It was like, suddenly when Karter came along we expected him to know certain things, do certain things, do things for himself, listen better, behave a certain way, etc. just because he was the older child. I was seeing Kian as such a "big boy" that I forgot he was still little. Sure, we expect him to help out, pick up his toys, use his fork, and certain behavior is accepted. But, suddenly we were thinking he should be acting 5 instead of 2 just because there was a baby in the house.

Another thing is that I was totally encouraging his independence in the last year, which Kevin was never fully on-board with. There weren't a lot of "rules" because he behaved well and there wasn't much he couldn't do. However, this created a problem when Karter arrived. Kian still wants to do everything for himself, by himself; including getting his own snacks and drinks, getting out movies, using electronics, among many other things. It was okay before because one of us was there to assist. Now, with me being unable to just jump up and help because of feeding Karter or something like that, he still tries to do it himself with messy results, broken pieces, or him getting hurt. It's not easy to undo the independence thing. Trying to explain to him that now he has to ask before getting something or eating something, or he has to wait for help (to do it by himself) is not something easy to undo and unlearn.

So, we're trying to scale back our expectations of a two and a half year old. We're praising the helpful, polite and nice things he does. We're remembering he's still learning his world and trying so hard to be in control of it. This works to a point, but we realized we had let him get the run of the house because he was so easygoing before, and now we're reorganizing to have the household run best for 4 people and meet all their needs equally and in the best way possible. I give Kian control of his things: which toys to play with, which activities to do next, which clothes to wear (if we're staying home, who cares what he wears and picks out?) what foods to eat (from a choice of healthy things) etc. And the things that are not choices, we stop saying "how about...?" or "let's do..." or even putting "...okay?" on the end of it. That signals a choice and if it's not a choice then we can't let him think it is. We will see how that works...

I also know I've been putting a lot of expectations on other people, adults, lately. I'm trying not too but sometimes you think one should know better and do better and just act accordingly. Or even driving, you think another driver should just know to use their turning signal or not cut you off, right?! Or that 10 items or less, really does mean ten or less? We hurt ourselves more by expecting grander things than others can attain, and are more disappointed if we expect too much.  Not to say we shouldn't hold people to standards, but just being aware of limitations and their world in not expecting too much.  I guess in today's world you can't expect or assume anything. That everyone is fighting their own battles and that not everyone can be as smart as me I guess =) I shall be kinder to those less fortunate (and less brilliant) I suppose...  

*please no comments about how horribly mean I am,
that's a bit of sarcasm at the end there people!*

Check this baby out!

Who wouldn't love this?  hp-touchsmart-giveaway @ MckMama

not having to go in a separate room and sit at a huge desk? that would be awesome! go enter!

I am...

I am that mom who:

lets my babies sleep on their stomach sometimes during naps

puts blankets on my babies and in their cribs

has stuffed animals in my babies cribs

co-sleeps with my newborns and infants, and lets my toddler come in when he wants to

won't give my baby a bottle "just so he can learn to take it"

skips pureed baby foods and goes straight to solids (or makes my own mashed foods)

won't vaccinate my babies

slings them, and totes them around in carriers instead of car seats and strollers

lets fevers break rather than give tons of tylenol

doesn't give antibiotics for ear infections or chemical gels for teething

I am... a pediatrician's worst nightmare.  =D  

Confessions of a bad parent

This is not an easy post. But, I have come to a lot of realizations lately and it hasn't been comforting. Funny when things finally make sense you feel so stupid and it hits you like a ton of bricks...duh! And then the guilt sets in.

I have been exasperated, utterly and completely frustrated with Kian lately. I react, I yell, I even spanked him a couple times this week, then I feel so guilty but try to not swing radically back to the other side and baby him after and confuse him even more. But, it's not easy. These two's are killing me here. Or were. Until I realized several things today.

The napping and bedtimes have been almost unbearable, agonizing at times. Part of it is that I just want him to sleep so I can have five minutes to check email and go to the bathroom and maybe throw some makeup on before Kevin walks in the door. I can do the loads of laundry and that stuff while he plays. He helps clean up sometimes and is occupied so that housework can get done. But if its anything to do with me and me alone it doesn't happen. Karter's napping routine is so-so. He's pretty much awake for 2 hours then sleeps for 10-1, then awake for til 3ish, then takes like 2 catnaps until bedtime. I haven't really cared to put him on a schedule yet, he's working his own out. Although today I think it's time I start getting things on a more predictable pattern. (I won't force him to a minute by minute schedule.)

Kian's sleeping went from the easiest, read a book, sing a song and he falls asleep on his own in a few minutes to this drawn out screaming, crying, jumping around ridiculousness. I have been having to sit on his bed until he falls asleep. Sometimes he gets up and is crazy and it's a battle. He fights off everything he knows will put him to sleep-music, back rubs, etc. And if Kevin tries to do it he freaks out even more until I come up. I know he's two, I know there's been lots of changes, and I know my attitude has been a big factor in it.

He just fell asleep finally at 2:45 after over an hour of trying. I really haven't even tried a nap in over 2 weeks because it's just easier to let him stay up and then put him to bed at 7:30 and he will sleep until 7 am. I implemented quiet/rest time with a book or a story on tape, or sometimes a show on the couch for an hour. But tonight we are going to be out and having to do dinner at 6 pm, so I knew he needed to sleep for just a bit. I don't even want to think about what drama would have happened had he not fallen asleep. If he naps then he won't even think of falling asleep until 9 or 9:30 pm and then wakes by 6:30. I will take the 7-7 with no nap, thank you very much!

I can deal with the roughness of his "love" towards Karter. I can deal with the no nap so that he goes to bed earlier and I have some quiet time with Kevin or myself at night. I can even deal with the potty training accidents. But lately, it was an accumulation of everything putting me over the edge. I am not a fan of spanking, but I have never said I wouldn't ever do it. This week I did it out of exasperation and anger, which I always said I wouldn't do. Although, I did blurt out "If you do that again I will spank you" and felt that I had to follow through. And being called an idiot by your two year old will cause you to react in ways like that. Yeah. And spanking does not work for him. He either laughs it off and continues on or he breaks down and talks about it and it's a big drama. With Kian being so verbal, I don't want a huge spanking conversation with someone who will end up thinking i"m beating him to death because of his theatrics.

As I sat there, next to him fighting sleep and trying to engage me in conversation I thought a lot about how our days have been going. Obviously holidays always put a wrench in things but that's okay. I had tried to put a routine in place similar to one they had at daycare so that we would do outside/playtime and an art time, etc. then lunch and nap. I have been frustrated at why this isn't working and constantly blaming Kian, saying he's being naughty or he's not listening and he's in the terrible twos, etc.

Upon thinking more, I began viewing things from his little perspective. Not only did I pull him out of daycare, where it was very routine and predictable, as well as social and fun and tiring, but I stayed home and brought with me a new baby that takes up all my time and attention or has to be held, etc. Routine and predictability went out the window. Mommy's irritability increased, mood swings ensued due to lack of sleep. He never knows what he's going to get, depending on how my day/night went, will I be a pushover and sweet or snap at him and put him in time out? And upon further review-it's the beginning of the day that is the most monumental-I was always awake before him and he'd wake up and I would greet him with a smile and breakfast. Now, it's grumpy, in bed with Karter and "stop touching him" and "shh, quiet! baby's sleeping".

It's not him-it's me! Well, it's both. But, I have been putting it off on him, and I am a big contributor to his behaviors. I mean, I know this stuff, but I didn't see it and think it was happening here. It is. So...what's that mean? I need to stick to the routine I wrote out for him, especially since he will be going back to daycare in a month. I need to get myself out of bed before or at the same time he does and get everyone up and going. And tv. Oh yes, how can we forget how I ranted and raved and then finally caved and found myself almost becoming what I loathed? Just like everyone told me, I began putting a show on in the morning while I nursed Karter, then for rest time, then daddy would be conned into turning it on when Kian asked and pretty soon I realized it was enough and too much. We put a stop to all the night time tv except for special movies like before, where it was a treat. If I have phone calls to make or something like that I will let him turn on one half hour show. It's been off more because his behavior is absolutely horrible when he watches too much tv, as in more than 30 mins. And he doesn't get enough activity to be tired for nap times.

We will no longer be staying in pajamas until whenever. Instead of letting Karter sleep til whenever in the morning I think it would behoove me to get him up and going as well to start to get the daycare routine implemented. And I need to get myself to bed. On time. I know, I'm a grown woman, right? But I need to be in bed same time every night so I can get up and we can all begin preparing for the back to work thing. As well as to keep the crankies at bay. I have also been doing a lot of 'giving' to so many people my time, my energy, my ear on the phone til all hours of the night, and during the day. It's leaving me depleted, leaving me focused on other things outside my house and family. I need to cut out calls during the day and resume my hobbies at least weekly to keep myself up and feeling good and refreshed.

I kept focusing on getting vegetables in there and learning letters and teaching "educational" things and house cleaning and eating healthy that I lost sight of my boy and just being a kid and consistency I tell Kevin about daily. Perhaps it was the poem I read again today, that my mom sent to me when I went to college about parents wishing there were still little hand prints on the doors and toys to step over and more time spent playing and less time spent cleaning... Because he won't remember if he learned to read at 2 or 7, he won't remember if the floor was full of crumbs or not. But he will remember if mommy spent time taking him outside or reading that annoying book over and over because he asked, not yelling at him for 'playing' with baby brother, but snuggling all together eating forbidden snacks, not if he matched and Karter matched him and shoes were shined, but if we laughed and sang silly songs... That's my goal from here forward--again!