Rollercoaster emotions today

I went to bed completely and thoroughly exhausted from one heck of a week. Also with some anticipation since we got the call Elissa was headed to the hospital. Both boys were so tired from our long week, church, drive to Grandma's and visits with the entire family, the drive back, etc. that they crashed from 7pm to 7 am (with the exception of Karter waking for 2 quick snacks). That was nice. But, I'm still tired.

Stress always makes me more tired. It's not necessarily bad stress, just stress. Now that we've set all the things in motion to sell our house and buy my grandma's, I just want it to happen. As much as I hate change, I hate waiting. I'm very impatient at times, especially once the logistics are figured out. All systems go!

Kian's birthday is next week. He's turning three. 3?! Seriously, I remember vividly, like it was last night taking that test, even that we had pizza and went to an Amerks game the night before and I drank caffeinated pop. Taking that test while on the phone with Kevin at work and telling him I saw 2 pink lines instead of the usual one negative one. Whew. And I remember all the details from his looooooooooong 20 hour labor. And so tell me now, how is it possible that it's been three years already? I know I'll be saying that every year, especially when he's 18 and graduating. And it will make me sad. I'm excited, he's so fun right now, the challenging behaviors are really diminishing and he's so enjoyable. So between those sad, happy, feelings and the stress of figuring out something for his birthday...he can't decided between Handy Manny and Cars/Lightning McQueen. (I think I'll just make hi
m a toolbox cake...we'll see.)

Karter's still having diarrhea, it's been over a week. It's getting ridiculous. The throwing up stopped right around 6 days, but this is enough with the diapers already! We'll see if they call in anymore culture results today. Negative for Rotavirus, which we figured it was. He's eating some applesauce, rice, crackers, etc. Last night I gave him avocado. I'm so over changing those diapers and giving him a bath at least once a day, sometimes more! Figuring it's nothing much, but want to be sure it's not something too terrible.

Elissa had their baby girl last night. Happy for them. Still making me want more babies, and baby girls. I told Kevin, I am so not done having kids, he better be prepared. I'm the twisted individual who is actually looking forward to labor again. Yes, that's what I just said. Karter's birth was so amazing, calm, in control, and yes very quick, that I just want to do it again. It's empowering. So, while I'm so excited and happy for them, and with a gleam of what's in store for them with 2 kids now, hehe, I feel that pull...

The slight twinge of sadness I feel about leaving this house. Slight. We always said it wasn't our forever house, it's just our "for now" starter house. But, having become pregnant and brought both boys home to this house, is a little emotional. My rabbit's buried out there under the lilac. The peach tree we planted after Kian was born. (the one that gets a fungus every year and won't develop fruit, ugh!) The amount of hardwork, sweat, screaming and tears we put into every inch of this house. Finally got it the way we wanted it. But, yet it's not quite everything we wanted in the whole package. Doesn't help that every time I turn on the country station I hear Miranda Lambert's House that built me song. Seriously? Stick a fork in me. Brings up too many emotions about the house that I refuse to ever step foot in again. I can't stand seeing it the way it is, I want to remember it how it was. So, that's what I'll do...with my favorite cat buried in the yard. sigh. But it gives me something to give my kids, a vision of what they can count on and come home too...

And tired, did I mention tired? Kian's little party next Sunday, Father's day, Kevin and I finally get out as adults to a party the following weekend, his cousin's grad party, Elissa's birthday, and that is just the last half of the month. There's already been birthdays and births and picnics and garage sales and packing. I'm telling you, next baby I have has to be born in April or October or something. Sheesh. The packing aspect of this is feeling overwhelming. We already took a bunch of boxes and things out that we weren't using, consolidated, etc. for selling the house, but there's still soooo much stuff. Even after getting rid of 20 boxes to sell/donate. Going to keep going, each night we do another box or two.

My grandparents are signing their lease today to start moving in July 1st. So, whenever we sell the house, we start moving as well. I just pray it doesn't take too long. Sometimes dragging things out makes me think about it too much more and be emotional about it instead of just common sense, git 'er done, automatic mode. Speaking to turn on my automatic pilot mode to do tidying up, dog training and exercising, educational things with Kian... "ready for takeoff..."

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