Stuck in the middle with you

Stuck in the middle alright. The middle of my pants. My old "fat" pants are too big and fall off my butt when I walk. But, my "skinnier" pants don't fit yet either. My old fat pants are ones I had just before I was pregnant with Kian and then for awhile after. My newer "skinnier" pants are ones I was wearing right before I got pregnant with Karter. I worked out more and lost more weight right before getting pregnant, of course. 'Cause that's just how life works.

I need to find some time to lose those extra pounds so I can fit into my nicer clothes again. I must have been darn lazy after I had Kian and must have sat around doing nothing, because it took me forever to lose the baby weight. It wasn't until I really regimented myself into an intense workout for a month straight that it started to budge, then started coming off easier. I would lose a pound here or there but didn't try until he was 6 months old. That's not happening this time. Mostly because I have nothing to wear right now, well shirts fit no matter what, but pants... ugh! I know it's because I'm running after a toddler and not just sitting around watching tv and nursing like last time, that I am losing this weight faster without trying too hard. The nursing definitely helps with the weight loss though.

But, also over the last couple years we continue to eat healthier. There is so much less junk, carbs, processed food and so much more fresh or frozen fruits and vegetables. I also make things more from scratch now instead of eating out or buying pre-made. And drinks, that was the easiest, and often overlooked change--drinks. We buy milk/rice milk, one carton of OJ, and sometimes a cider or grape juice. That's it. No pop, soda, no iced tea or lemonades or mixed drinks, no snapples or sunnyD, etc. We drink lots of water. And I know that the outside work and extra walks we take counts towards calorie burning.

So, I know I"ll lose the 'baby weight' soon, and hopefully more! And penny pinching me really doesn't want to buy new pants for "just awhile" so, for now, I'm just stuck in the middle....

The baby who wanted to prove everyone wrong...

Yes, I double and triple-cross my updates and blogs so that everyone has probably heard of or read the same thing too many times. Too bad for you!

You're all aware that Karter Ryan made his arrival Thursday night 9/3 (on his uncle's birthday, and also sharing a birthday with our friends' new little girl). And you all have read about or heard about all the testing and concerns surrounding this boy. He was diagnosed in utero with a 2 vessel cord (single umbilical artery) and an echogenic heart focus. The focus resolved itself in the third trimester, as seems to be common. The 2 vessel cord continued to be monitored, especially for fetal growth, throughout the pregnancy.

Karter also liked to be a stinker, a stubborn little fellow and throw us all for a loop by every few weeks refusing to budge or hardly move for a few days. This would call for lots more testing, ultrasounds, biophysical profiles and non-stress tests. He'd fail one, pass the next one immediately with flying colors, and so on. I guess he doesn't like to be predictable.

One week ago, I was 3cm dilated and having random contractions. I told Kevin that I wanted a natural birth, not induced and that I didn't want to get to the hospital until I was 6 cm. God was listening I guess. Thursday morning I went in for my regular prenatal visit, after 3 tests in the last week. Some were good, some were not so good. We had been seen by 4 doctors that week and they were all not happy with his results and with me for declining an induction on August 28th. At this Thursday's appointment I was 5 cm and they were adamant about getting this baby out very soon. They were worried about his growth, movement, his failing tests, etc. Said that the cord and placenta might be compromised, etc.

Against my previous wishes, I agreed to come in for them to break my water and see if I went into labor on my own. They agreed to no pitocin yet and to monitor the baby, but that I could be free to move around and not hooked up to an IV. This was my biggest concern from last time with the pitocin-induced labor and all the monitoring, I couldn't move and labor how I needed to. I went home, made the calls, made sure we were all packed, made arrangements for Kian, etc. Kevin and I went into Strong just before 5, got a room at 5 pm. By the time all the paperwork and admissions stuff was completed it was nearly 6 pm. My mother, we all know how late she is, was supposed to be there by then.

At 6 o'clock my doctor broke my water, I was already 6-7 cm--see, God was listening to my wishes =) We monitored for a few minutes and then they let me get up and do what I wanted to do. Contractions started immediately, coming every few minutes and getting more intense each time. I asked to get in the tub to hep with the back labor. Kevin did come counter-pressure on my back through about 3 contractions. Then as they were getting more intense I asked the nurse to do the sterile water injections in my back. It took them awhile to come do that and my OB did it with her. Last time it totally made my back labor pain go away. This time, not so much. I was getting shaky and my OB said I was in transition and I must be close to 10 cm. My mom arrived just before this, almost missing the entire thing. You think that would teach her to be on time...

I thought I had to pee, but when I stood up and then sat down I felt lots of pressure. They rushed me right over to the bed and we started pushing. Last time, I was so tired and confused I just did what they told me, when they told me, without feeling it in my body. This time I was so aware of everything, felt every single pain and sensation I kind of hesitated pushing until they told me he was right there and it would only stop hurting after i pushed. =) So, I did and it was painful, but pretty quick. He was out and cried and peed immediately. Of course, such a boy. I asked my doctor how long did I actually push, she said "oh about 5 minutes". And the entire length of labor, less than an hour and a half. Wow.

She said he was much bigger than the 6lbs 10 oz ultrasound just claimed. She was right. They took him right over for a check up because he did indeed have the 2 vessel cord, but it did not stop his growth as they predicted, at 8 lbs 4 oz! And obviously, the cord didn't affect his kidneys or bladder as he peed immediately. I asked them if they thought he had Down Syndrome like they said was a possibility and they said no, no signs of that. His heart was perfect as well. All the testing and concerns they had and caused me to worry about, he is perfectly fine. The ped came in and said he was 'absolutely perfect, not one single worry'. We like her. He started and continues nursing like a champ. Hasn't stopped pooping since he was born. The nurse came to give him his first bath and while she was drying him off he pooped on her and the blankets, so she had to wash some more. I've changed 5 diapers right in a row, minutes apart today because he pooped as soon as I put a new one on! I guess that means all his systems are working just fine and he's eating great.

I always felt everything was fine with Karter, but I know the medical professionals err on the side of caution. They caused me a lot of worry too, but needlessly. He's continued his pattern of sleeping most of the day and wanting to be awake and eat and look around in the middle of the night, just as in utero. Which is why I suggested they come do their Biophyisicals and their non-stress tests at 4 am at my house to prove he was fine...they declined. Hopefully, he will switch his days and nights, but we're just happy he's perfect. Well, and that the bruising is going away. He came out so fast his head didn't even change shape and his face looked like he'd just met Muhammad Ali. They said all the bruising would mean jaundice. But, of course, Mr. Opposite, contradicted them with perfect bilirubin numbers. I think he's going to be trouble someday...

So, we got to go home at 24 hours instead of having to stay another night. Poor Kian couldn't take it that we were there and not home and he just wanted us all home. Luckily he's so in love with "baby brother Karter" and everything is going great. I feel awesome. I felt so horrible after Kian's birth, I couldn't do anything and was shaky all the time, felt like I had also stepped out of the ring with Ali. This time, I feel fantastic. Drug-free, fast, natural childbirth, using what I needed to deal with the pain helped so much. I'm tired from not getting much sleep, but not needing any pain meds, not feeling any pain. I don't mean to rub it in, but I'm amazed by the difference in the two births. I even vacuumed the floor today and put all Karter's new stuff away. So we are all doing awesome! Thanks to everyone for the thoughts, prayers and well wishes!

Thoughts on the final stages of pregnancy

There's been quite a few ups and downs with this pregnancy and baby and it's definitely been a roller coaster of emotions. And even as we're down to the last few days (hours?) it's still quite the ride. We've been through more tests than I ever have in my life, but baby's fine after all of it. Thank you God.

I'm finding myself very anxious to meet him and get him in my arms to see for myself he's okay. I do hate having to share my babies once they are out though! I Love being pregnant (most of the time, besides those uncomfortable moments and achy body) but still am glad to get to this point.

I'm nervous about labor, yet excited. I want to do a natural birth again. But it's not far removed from last time that I have forgotten it. They promise me the second one will be much better, especially if he comes on his own, rather than on their terms like before. I pray it is.

I'm really excited for Kian to meet his baby brother, but nervous about having TWO. Wondering what that will be like, will I handle it? Of course I can...right?

This past year has been rough, for me, for my family, and several friends as well. It was definitely a year of trials and testing. So, for that reason I am looking forward to a happy occasion to finish out the year with.

On that note, I am off to bed to rest up in case tonight's the night...

Weekend pictures and update

I'm a little behind lately on blogging; not that anyone would notice. Over the weekend we went to my 10 year high school reunion. Odd that it seems that long ago, but yet, not very long at all. It was a nice, relaxed picnic with not a lot of people, but it was good to see everyone and catch up. Kian loved playing with all the little boys there. Seriously, I think there was 2 girls? Just lots of little boys. Boys and rocks, and trucks. They were set.

And Robin and Jason


I didn't get many pictures of other people, I kind of forgot to get the camera out. It was at Powder Mills Park, with some beautiful flowers...

And the fish hatchery! Kian was beyond thrilled.

This fish was enormous, compare the size of the fish to the small one underneath it and the duck above it. It was crazy!

Of course, we got home and Kian promptly got sick with a fever, and then threw up a little later. Since he hadn't eaten much, not sure what that was about. The fever continued into Monday morning. Sunday around lunch, after he hadn't eaten in a day, I noticed spots on his tongue and Monday he got a couple around his feet. Yep, hand, foot & mouth. Fun times. He stayed home with grandma Monday and Tuesday. But, by Tuesday morning he was fine. He was actually wild and crazy. His 2 year molars are almost in, so that's been enjoyable as we're back to the chewing on everything, put everything in our mouth stage again.

And tell me this, someone help me out here-my kid is nuts. He's obsessed with drinking water. I know, horrible right? Well, he drinks/licks it from the floor, from the deck, from chairs, from the garage floor, from puddles, anywhere there's pooling or standing water he drinks it! Ugh, so gross! He always has a drink nearby, so it's not that he should be thirsty. The whole telling him it's gross and will make him sick thing doesn't work. Any ideas?

But! We're making a breakthrough here! He went poopy on the potty all by himself on Monday and Tuesday-twice! He goes pee on the toilet all the time, unless he's so absorbed in play he forgets at first. He's very proud of himself and I love not having to use stickers or candy or anything for bribes. We're on our way, hopefully this doesn't regress when the baby arrives.

Had another doctor's appointment Tuesday morning. This baby is a trouble-maker. He goes through these cycles of not moving/barely moving for 2 days, then I freak out, go in and get him checked out and he likes to make me look stupid. He starts swinging around in there like it was nothing. But we're going for a biophysical profile Thursday (an ultrasound in which they test and score certain things like movement, tone, heart rate, etc.) just to make sure we're still all good. Last night and today he was up to his usual antics-which include doing acrobatics and dancing a jig every morning from 4-5 am. That's fun.

I say, let me get through this week at work and get it all set and then you can come anytime you want to. Kian is way excited. He tried to get me to let him "talk to baby brother, see baby brother" in Wegmans Sunday. Um, no. He means let me see the belly, lift up the shirt and let me drool and love on it. Not in the store, sorry. Here's hoping he's as much in love with the actual baby as he is the belly.

Not much exciting going on around here. Just hanging around, trying to stay cool since summer finally decided to arrive here in western NY. Not complaining though, since I've had a decent summer so far, and have felt great.

At work I am just trying to finalize things, get everything ready and prepared for my leave. Making lots of lists and keeping up on all the little details so when the girls take over my cases they won't freak out and will know what is going on with them.

This weekend we took Kian for a swim in Jon's pool. He's getting braver in the water, even though he can't touch the bottom. He wasn't afraid to climb down and sit on the ladder. He hung out in his tube for awhile. And then he wanted to jump in the pool. Over and over. And I had to catch him. Well, I was supposed to...until that last time. He slipped out of my hands and into the water (shallow, don't worry) but I couldn't exactly see him well, with this belly and all. And Kevin and Jon were playing "jump in the pool and catch the frisbee in mid-air" so I felt around and grabbed him up. He was only under about 3-5 seconds. He started crying, and then I saw blood. So, I think he was crying more from the injury than being under the water. We think either on the way down or me pulling him up he hit his head on the thermometer hook. He had a little gash and of course it bled a bit. But, after we dried off and made sure he was okay, he wanted to go back in the pool. I guess the drowning attempt didn't scare him much, which is good. I don't' want him to be afraid of the water.

Sunday we went to Build-A-Bear so Kian could make a bear for his baby brother. He's only been once, but knew exactly what we were talking about. I am not sure how much he understands it's going to be baby brother's bear. We keep explaining it. He picked out a silky, soft chocolate bear, stuffed it and got it a shirt that says "it's a boy". And because they are having a great deal right now (ANY animal, no matter the price, with ANY outfit, no matter the price with ANY pair of shoes, no matter the price, all for $29!!) we got him a Bills jersey and cleats for his bear and dog he has at home already. We are saving it to give him later, when the baby is born. We've kept the bear for brother in the box in the baby's room. He's asked to look at it a few times, but we remind him it's for baby brother on his birthday. He seems okay with that. I highly recommend taking advantage of that deal though. I almost want to go back. The bear and the outfit that is normally 16.50 and the shoes that are normally 7.50, we saved a good bit of money.

Yesterday, Kian and I played in his pool. He told me to "put on bathing soup, mommy" so I did and sat in it and let him spray me with the hose. When it's over 90 and humid, I almost enjoyed it. I hate spending so much time inside, but when you can't breathe outside at all, and swell as soon as you walk out the door, there's not really much choice. He helped me water the flowers and tomatoes. We are finally getting some tomatoes from the garden now that it's been sunny for a full week. Not that you can really see my garden under all the weeds...oh well, maybe next year!

And so it goes the rest of the week, getting things done and prepared at work, getting things done and prepared at home...7 more days of daycare for Kian. I'm scheduled to work until 9/4 but we'll see how it goes. Each week the Braxton-Hicks contractions get more uncomfortable and a few have been painful. All part of the process, I suppose and would rather have it come about naturally than induced like last time. I'm almost...excited for labor. I'm just weird like that.

It's that time again...game guessing time!

We did this with Kian and it was quite fun to see the responses. So, I'll do it again for baby #2.

Go there and register your guesses on birth date, weight, height, etc. Maybe I'll come up with an actual prize this time for whoever (whomever?) is closest!

Preparations

Well, I think we're about as prepared for this baby as can be. We have all the "gear" from last time. Half of it we didn't use with Kian and I don't believe we'll use this time either, but I could be wrong. We used the swing exactly 4 times with Kian and the exersaucer about the same. He was just as content to sit with us or to play on the floor, and slept just fine in his bassinet or crib so we didn't employ many devices to assist us. But, this baby may have the complete opposite personality than Kian- "like cheese and chalk" my Irish client told me. That made me giggle, and I loved hearing his accent saying it.

Our pack-n-play was recalled from Kian so we returned the pieces of it and bought a new one. This one is slightly smaller, but is easier to push around from room to room and fits through doorways, which is a plus. The clothes are washed and in the dresser. The diapers are stocked. The bags are packed. The bedding is all prepared, on the bed and in the bassinet. Lists are made and checked off.

I need to install the carseat in the van and make sure it fits next to Kian's properly. That's about the only thing I can think of to physically do before he arrives. Everything else is purely emotional and mental preparation. We've tried to get Kian as prepared as he can be. He is in love with 'baby brother' in my belly: reads to him, tries to feed him, gives him his animals, etc. Tells me what baby brother likes and doesn't like, talks and sings to him; yesterday he finally fell asleep for a nap after I laid down with him and he had to have his arm around baby brother and sleep with him he told me. He cups his hands under my belly and tells me he's "holding my baby brother". TOO cute!

But, as for having a "real" crying, needy baby in the house? We'll see. Not to dampen his enthusiasm but for every thing he says about baby brother I tell him that he will cry, will need mommy to hold him, change his diaper, etc. We'll see how much of it sinks in! But, he has been practicing holding Rocky "like hold baby brother". The cat puts up with is, which is great.

Kevin's getting that anxious, nervous, freak out period again, just like right before Kian was born. He's short tempered, irritable. You know, the male version of PMS. I think the thought of 2 is throwing him and he's afraid we'll never have a single second of peace and quiet, or alone time again. Which we know isn't true, and I tried to tell him that. He'll get over it as soon as the baby is born, just like last time. And he's just so thrilled that we're having another boy, I think he'll be over the moon. I tell him to shush as he is not the one who has to do all the work to get this baby out anyway!

But, I'd better go check my list just one more time...

Busy week...then...taking it easy

This week is a very busy week at work. I am trying to cram as many last minutes visits in as I can. I've seen a lot of clients this month in anticipation of "office only" duty in August. I have at least 2 visits per day, driving all over the county, every day. Usually I have a few per week. It wears on you, driving around the entire Monroe County, in a hot car, needing to use the bathroom, being hungry...you get the idea.

With Kian's pregnancy, I also had the last month as an office month. This is both per work and doctor's request. Neither one wants me out on Avenue D going in to labor or out in the ends of the county with my water breaking. And let's face it, we go in some, shall we say, not so good areas and safety is a concern with my clumsiness, inability to run away, being an easy target, etc.

So, August will see me sitting at my desk, making lots of calls, mailing lots of letters, finalizing files and charts for coworkers, etc. This will be easier on me not having to haul my large self around 3 floors, around the city in the parking lot and driving all over in the hot (wait, will August even be 'hot'?) car. It frees up a lot of time to make sure files are perfect before handing them over to coworkers, which I know they immensely appreciate. =)

Just push it through this week and I'm golden.

Pics

Kian at the pool during Kevin's family reunion. LOVES it. My water baby.

I told Kevin i need him to take a picture in this shirt because when I wore it with Kian I was way, way bigger. But, I can't find that picture yet. I am 20 lbs less right now then what I ended Kian's pregnancy, and safe to say with only 6 weeks left I will not be gaining that much. So, glad! And I still have a waist you can see! It was gone before this with Kian. My arms and face aren't huge like last time either! Yay!

But, it just looks like I'm being goofy. I was really telling him there was a squirrel flying out of the tree above my head. He didn't listen and was just snapping away. Blah. oh well. 33 weeks. I say 6 weeks left because that's what I'm aiming for =)

The List, The Plan

So, last time we were at the hospital with Kian we didn't have a plan. Oh, we had a birth plan, and that got thrown out the window. The plan I mean is the one on how, when and who was going to do the contacting of everyone (family and friends) about Kian's arrival. We never gave it a thought and relied on our parents and friends to pass the words. That didn't work so well, as there was several family and friends that didn't get the message until a few days later. Bummer. You should have just been like Jon I guess and called straight to the hospital =)

This time around we're thinking about a better way to pass the information. There are a lot more options this time: we could send a picture/text to many people, we can designate a "caller" or "emailer". But, the best is that since Kian's birth Strong now has wifi at the hospital. And, we have a laptop. Genius. So, compiling a list of email addresses to take with us is one thing on our list of "to-do's". Another is to put the camera upload program onto Kevin's laptop so we can instantly send pictures of the baby along with that email. Babycenter.com also offers free announcement email cards, all we have to do is fill out the info and attach a picture. So many options this time.

Realizing that we have about 9 or less weeks (I'm feeling less) left before baby's arrival I started making a list of things to do. That's not much time really, if you think about it.

Picture program on computer
List of email addresses and phone numbers
Pack my bag
Pack baby's bag, along with things for Kian
Figure out what we're doing with Kian (we want him there and involved as much as possible)
Make and freeze some dinners/buy some easy cook meals/dishes
Put car seat back together (we took all the fabric off to wash and clean out after Kian was done)
Install car seat in van (and figure out the seating arrangement with the two of them)
Write up birth plan--again
Talk with doctor about my plan
One more ultrasound on 8/5/09
Hit up someone to clean the bathtub for me in a few weeks =D
Buy a new bra--oh you didn't want to hear that? sorry.
Steam clean the carpet in the family room, yes it needs it badly.
Take Kian to Build-A-Bear to make something for the baby

and probably other things I'm forgetting... like how I want to pick raspberries and blueberries and make jam... yeah... it's called nesting. =)

Baby's room

Baby's room is pretty much finished. Well, we do need a closet door or fabric or something. We bought some new bedding, as Kian never really had a "set" and most of his sheets got ruined. I feel like he needed something "new" of his own since all clothes, toys and gear are hand-me-downs. Not that he will care.

Don't mind the naked boppy, the cover is in the wash.



I should have taken off the blanket covering the changing pad. Underneath is a really cute green and brown, big-circle, fuzzy cover. We didn't want the cats getting it furry.

Please note the large brown basket full of cloth diapers. Excited to be getting those out again. I used them for 8 months with Kian before he started daycare. So much better, cheaper, and not having that chemical smell when you open a package? Yuck. I also have a lot of new cute covers--Christmas ones, Dr. Seuss ones, etc.


I just emptied those 2 bins (0-6 month clothes) and realize that Kian had more clothes as a newborn than I have had in my entire life. The top drawer is packed so full of onesies-it's insane!

He was trying to help me put together the activity pad and playing with the bouncy seat. He thinks he can still sit in it, um no. For now, my sewing table is in there. We're thinking of putting it on the front porch for 'craft area'. But since, he won't even be in this room right away, it's fine there for now.


The curtains will be replaced, those are just old ones we had on there. The light? Ugh. NOT staying, it was our "painting" lamp. So, I'll be finding a nice soft baby-friendly one.

The bassinet will be moving into our room shortly. I'm debating about recovering or replacing the rocking chair pads. We need a couple more sheets, a few more burpcloths, and I want another swaddle blanket, but other than that, we're all set! Just a few small things left to do before he arrives-won't be too long now!

Of course

Of course as soon as (my favorite) ultrasound tech said "He's got hair" and I said "oh really? Cuz I haven't had heartburn yet." I got tons of it. To make up for it all I'm sure. Every day since I've had bouts of it, and I haven't had an of those heartburn inducing foods. Fun stuff.

Even more fun was last night Kevin spilled pop and Kian spilled milk at the same time and I slipped and fell in it. Landed hard on my left elbow, skinned my right knee and right elbow, but managed to land more on the side and not my belly. I swear it was broken that instant. I couldn't move my elbow and it brought me to tears it hurt so bad. Being cautious we went to the Urgent Care center (who wants to wait that long in ER and pay that co-pay?) they checked everything out. By that time, I'd had it on ice for quite a while and it was beginning to feel not as bad. They decided to not do x-rays because really pregnant women aren't supposed to get them. We wrapped it in an ace bandage and have continued icing it. It's feeling a lot better. Baby checked out fine, he was moving around like a .... a.... I don't know, something that moves a lot? It's too early to think of good or funny analogies! Although my back and neck definitely need an adjustment now! We got home around 8, cuddled with Kian on the couch and then he and I went to bed at 9pm. Dad called around 9:45, talked to him for a bit then went back to bed with Kevin at 10.

But, the best part? I woke up to SUNSHINE in my face!!! Do you know how long it's been since the SUN woke me up? Ages. I can't remember how long. It's always dark and rainy when I wake up this past month. That made me happy. I think we're laying low today, the three of us will hang here and do some fun stuff before parade and fireworks later.

Baby update

Had our 3rd ultrasound today, kidn of liking being able to see him every 6 weeks and watching him grow. We weren't able to get any pictures or 3D views because he buried his head. He is now head down and facing my spine. Which, I knew already. He really flip-flopped about a week ago and since then I've been feeling little heels up at the top, and also my hernia wasn't sticking out as much, so I figured his back or butt had to be covering it. It's a win-win situation! And we want him to stay in this position for the nex 8-10 weeks (or whenever he decides to come out) no breech babies, no sunny-side up babies! Got that little man?

However, we got great views of everything else. His heart still looks good. The echogenic focus (bright spot) on his heart valve is actually fading. I didn't see it right away, like I did last time. and we all (tech included) said it's definitely faded and not as bright as before. From my research it says most of them do go away on their own in the third trimester. That's good news. It means our chances of chromosomal abnormalities are slimmer. It means they aren't really concenred about heart problems--not that they were before, since all the chambers are working properly and heart rate is good. She measured all his bones and head and abdomen and siad he looks really good. She also said she saw hair! I was kind of surprised, with Kian I had a lot of heartburn and he had a good amount of hair. I havent' had any real heartburn (save for the pepperoni nights) to make me think he had much hair.

Weighing in at 3 lbs even and around 15 inches I think. Rigfht where he should be for gestational age. This is good news, means that right now the cord issue, of only having 2 vessels instead of 3, is not affecting his growth at this point. Yay. Thank you God for good news!

Although, I did the math. This means he will gain about 4 lbs and 6 inches in 10 or less weeks. That's a half an inch per week, and 6.5+ ounces per week. That's a lot of growing! So, all of those people who say I don't look so big now, just wait. Just like last time, I'll probalby blow up like a beached whale at the end. =D

MckLinky

First off, I feel like I'm in Florida or some tropical jungle. It's warm, sticky then pours, cools off for a bit, gets hot and sunny, then pours again. What is up with this weather? Hmm...might have to build me an ark. But only after this important announcement:

There’s a great new “linky” service available and I wanted to let you know about it. It’s called MckLinky – www.mcklinky.com. After realizing the need for a new, reliable linky capability, Brent Riggs and MckMama got together to create a free, easy to use linky service for all their blog friends.

MckLinky is a free link list feature that allows you to do include lists of other blog links like MckMama does on Not Me! Monday. You can use MckLinky any time you want your blog readers to leave a list of links on your blog. It’s simple, reliable, free...and loads of MckFun!

What is MckLinky? It's how we can all connect our blogs together, say for a contest, or common theme we all post about,etc. Currently, I don't have a contest or thematic post, nor do I have enough blog readers to do so. And, I admit, I just copied her directly and pasted it on here because of many reasons, the rain, the baby brain mush not allowing me to come up with something better, and because what prego couldn't use baby gear? That's what is at stake here. If I share Mcklinky with the world I can enter to win some baby gear. Sounds good right? Great. Try it yourself: http://www.mcklinky.com/



Now you all can link up to me and enter the contest too!

Just one of those days

For every great day, there's it's counterpart. There's always a rotten egg in the bunch. Today was just one of those days. Whatever could irritate me-did. Whatever could cause major hormonal meltdowns-did. From having my maternity shirts shrunk, to finding curtains hung up that I took down to get rid of, to well you name it. It's hard having everyone else take care of your baby, ahem- toddler, little boy, whatever he is now. It's hard having people in your house, it's hard keeping up with so many things. It's hard having people do your laundry in 'not exactly your way'. I appreciate all the help I get, but sometimes I just get frustrated I'm not here getting things done how and when I want. And missing time with Kian.

It's actually been one of those years! So many trials, disappointments, unanswered questions, unknowns, valleys to climb out of, mountains to climb over, and changes. So, so many changes. People disappoint you, time after time. Even when they promise not to. Even when they're not supposed to. Even when you need them. I'm finding out to start inside me and above all to let God help me through this, because otherwise, I couldn't. It's frustrating and it hurts when those who are supposed to be there for you, always, for support, encouragement, even celebration, aren't. I'm wading through uncharted waters, but finding a lot of new supports and strengthening other relationships in the meantime. It's just sad when the one person you want and need to acknowledge you and hold you up, can't or doesn't. Kevin tries to step in and do the best he can. I appreciate that a lot. But, sometimes it's just not the same.

I try as best I can but sometimes I just can't. And I just need to let it all go. That may mean crying for an hour straight, or taking off in the car to drive it away, or hitting the treadmill and weights. Or in tonight's case-all three. Being pregnant and hormonal and uncomfortable really just makes it all worse. I won't even begin to make a list of things that have gone "wrong" this year alone. According to me, anyways, I suppose God knows what He's doing with this all. But, for me the puzzle pieces don't even look like they came from the same box! I'm glad all I have to do is ask and He's there. Whether it's a song on the radio, a supportive email, a note, a thank you from a client, a squeeze from Kian, or Kian singing his heart out to his baby brother, God knows I need something and He gives it to me. The day brightens.

Lest you think I am this morbidly depressed person-I am not. Hormonal mood swings hit me in major waves last time, too. Laughing can turn into a huge puddle of hormonal meltdown for no reason. That reason could even be a commercial. And it's just some added stress with various things going on at work and in family, along with concerns for this baby, that have made mountains of molehills I suppose. It always has to be lots on one day, then nothing for awhile, then several things on one day again. When it rains, it pours right? And all those small things just feel so gigantic when you're feeling gigantic and emotional.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will make no conditions on tomorrow. I will not put today's "junk" on tomorrow already. When I go to bed, I will sleep and I will leave it there. I will wake up renewed and ready to find joy in Tuesday. Even if it rains.

Nesting

It's in full force. I've been on a cleaning frenzy. Well, not just cleaning. There's organizing, rearranging, painting, moving furniture from various rooms...you get the idea. The baby's room is all painted. I'll take pics this week. I did the steam cleaner on the rug. We have just used the room for storage so didn't do much since we moved in, but those people were dirty in there! The carpet was yuck! I cleaned it twice and rinsed it twice (that means lots of dumping and refilling of the water tank) and after forever, the water was still not perfectly clean when I finished. But it look much, much better. And smells good too.

We put the white nursery furniture in the baby's room and gave Kian the "big boy" dresser. It's wooden, and it's low enough that I use it as a changing table and a dresser. That means less stuff in his room and a little more play space. Now just to find a home for some leftover junk. House is feeling much more organized. And we've officially repainted/redone every room in the house now! Only took 3 years =)

This nesting urge is still strong, and I think I will tackle some closets this week that need re-organizing and rearranging. And then to purge some more junk from my house. It feels good to get rid of stuff and have things actually organized in a way that makes sense! But, since I've been on my feet all day, I think it's time for a date with a bowl of Pecan Praline.

Sweetest boy

My baby is about to turn two. Then I will have another baby to take over that role, but not his place. Kian is the sweetest thing ever, except when he's not. But, more often than not, he's his sweet, happy, smiley, silly self. I wish I had a camera, or video of bedtime tonight. He's still recuperating from a nasty cough/fever thing and is just plain whipped. I lay in bed with him and read some stories and say prayers. (Hey, it's easier on this prego body rather than balancing on the edge of a race car bed!) He loves to talk to 'baby brother' and always tells me to "open baby brother" -meaning pull back the shirt so he can talk and touch my belly. He always says hi and tells me he's "petting" baby brother. Sometimes he kisses him. Tonight, he was so tired, he lay real close to me and curled around my belly. He draped an arm over my belly and said "hug baby brother, sleep with baby brother". And just laid there, falling asleep. He now loves to talk about him, that he'll cry and need to eat and will come out when he gets bigger soon, etc. Although, when I told him we'd go to the hospital and mommy would push baby brother out of her tummy he started pushing on it and said "push belly, come out baby brother". Too smart, too cute, too much!

Update on baby #2

So, there's a little more going on with baby #2 than with Kian. Aside, from us still not being able to name a child in however many months we have from positive test until delivery. Of course, I blame that largely on Kevin who refuses to talk names until we can find out the sex. That cuts half the time out, but does allow us to rule out half the names. Can't win. I think we're done to a first name we both agree on, but I want to make sure I/we love it. We have 4 choices for a middle name so far. How that works, I don't know. With Kian, we had the middle name before we had the first name! I give up.

Anyway, Thursday I had a regular prenatal check in. And they kept me there waiting over an hour. I was late for my work meeting. Stinking doctor's offices! Friday we had a second ultrasound and consultation with a doctor experienced in reading ultrasounds. This would be the second time we met with him.

I suppose I should start from the beginning. That would be about 6 weeks ago, when we had our routine ultrasound around 18 weeks. Now, I've had the same technician do at least 4 ultrasounds, including Kian's, and this time we had a different person. She was fine, but my *fave* technician talks through things and explains things and shows us measurements, etc. So, this lady was a bit quiet but she told us the necessary things: boy, heart, brain, 2 legs, 2 arms, all fingers and toes, etc. So, we walk out with our pictures, thinking things are fine and dandy. A day and a half later I get a call from, not my doctor, but another doctor telling me there are some concerns on the ultrasound. At 5 pm, a day and a half later. When all the offices are now closed. She's calling to tell me things and I am completely freaked out and a wreck.

What those concerns were/are: echogenic focus in the heart, and 2 vessel cord. Layman's terms? Click on the link, but basically: echogenic focus is a small bright spot seen with ultrasound in the heart, near the valve. I forget which side, left or right. It can be a calcium/mineral spot, or part of the muscle, or something else. This alone, isn't usually that uncommon. It can sometimes be seen more in babies with Down Syndrome or other chromosome issues. Seeing this spot only raises this chance 1%.
2 vessel cord? Single Umbilical Artery (SUA). Normally the umbilical cord has 2 arteries and 1 vein. Our baby decided to only have one artery and one vein. Again, this isn't super uncommon in babies, approximately 1 in 100 newborns are found to have a SUA. They make sure all other organs look okay and then they just monitor the baby for growth, as SUA can sometimes cause the babies to not grow as much, get as big, especially towards the end of the pregnancy. (This is mainly why we are having ultrasounds every 6 weeks.)

So, alone, either of these "issues" isn't much of an issue. But, because we had 2 things pop up on the ultrasound they wanted to scare the crap out of us and make us worry our silly little butts off. They started throwing words out like Down Syndrome, Trisomy 18, chromosomal abnormalities, etc. And seeing them write "fetal abnormalities" on my chart, you know, along with the high risk for clotting/bleeding disorder? That was so much fun. *insert dramatic eye roll here*

We met with a wonderful doctor who explained these things to us (you know after I did 3 million panicked google searches) and gave us lots of options. They have to legally throw out that "termination" bit, but we let them know what we thought of that. My doctor wanted us to hurry up and do the amnio so that if we did decide to terminate it would be done by week 26. I said "Listen, I know that legally you have to give us these options and that the 26th week is NY state abortion limits, but that is not where were are even close to thinking. We are going to take our time with this and make decisions after lots of thinking, praying, researching, and I'm not doing it all by week 26". With that out of the way, what they presented to us was this: ultrasounds every 6 weeks to measure growth and monitor all other organs, etc., amnio to give us definite yes/no for any chromosome problems, fetal echocardiograph, nothing or any combo of those things.

Kevin wanted the amnio right away, he wanted to know if there was something else going on. But, being that I would be the one with the needle stuck in my stomach, and with my clotting factor increasing the risks for problems during an amnio, I am not so sure on this yet. We agreed we wanted follow-up ultrasounds; plus we get to see that cute baby a few more times. So, we had our second ultrasound on Friday. The cord? Still only 2 vessels, but he is growing perfectly. His measurements are right on for his fetal age. The heart focus spot? Still there. But, it can disappear in the third trimester (we're not there yet) and it can mean nothing. What's important to me is that his brain looks great, his kidneys, bladder, stomach, etc. all look just fine. If more issues arose in other places, then we'd really be looking at an amnio, or at least knowing what we're dealing with. (More concerns in those areas mean more likelihood of a chromosome disorder/problem.)

We are contemplating the fetal echocardiograph, it's another test, it's another hefty co-payment, it's with another specialist, and so on. From the 2 ultrasounds they've seen no other concerns at all with his heart. It's structurally looking just fine, it's working fine, the heart rate is right on, etc. But, then I think with these 2 concerns, maybe I might. So, we're still talking about it. For me, the risk of an amnio just for diagnosing a disorder he probably doesn't have? I don't care to do it. I'm at the point where, they're saying he looks perfectly healthy and typical, and I feel he is, and risking that just to know for sure isn't what I want to do. I couldn't deal with it causing complications and finding out there are no problems with him at all. Either he's fine or he's going to have a slightly increased risk for Down Syndrome. Either way, it's done and we'll deal with it. But, I feel that everything is just fine.

So, that's what's been going on and making us crazy the last month or so. We'll continue to monitor and look again in 6 weeks as we're into the 3rd trimester and see if anything has changed. But, I feel good, (minus the tired and achy-stretchy part) and he looks good, so we're feeling much more peace about this. Either way, God's got a plan and he's going to be with us, so we're all good.

The best part? We got 3D pictures during the ultrasound! Apparently, my doc's office can do them, doesn't like to until around 24 weeks. So that is why we didn't get any with Kian! I'm sure we'll get more next time too, yay! It's way cooler seeing him in 3D, makes me more excited for him to hurry up and get here, for us to get to September and meet him. It's much more real than those black and white outline pictures! Either way, we'll take it. We'll keep everyone informed, and if you have a minute for a quick prayer for Baby Boy #2, we'd appreciate that as well!

It's a... **

another boy.

I was so sure we were getting a girl this time. I'd be lying if I say I wasn't just a bit disappointed. Instead of sweet brotherly kisses on baby sister we'll be seeing whacking sticks and spit wads. I told Kevin this means we might have to try one more time =)

**I'd better add that all fingers, toes, arms, legs were there as well as a 4 chambered heart and brain. He gets the brains from me obviously. ;D

Cheesy cravings

My pregnancies seem to be more about food aversions and avoidances than cravings. (First time I couldn't stand beef or tacos, this time I couldn't stand chicken. I am finally eating chicken again after 16 weeks.) However, I have noticed I crave cheese and dairy a lot more while pregnant than any other time in my life. I suppose this is because I do not drink milk.

Yes, gasp, sputter. I hate milk. I can't stand the taste of it, can barely get a few gulps of chocolate milk down even. On cereal? A splash just to get it damp, but I rarely eat cereal either-unless it's dry.

Last time, I ate lots of cheese, ice cream and cottage cheese. This time, I still like a snack of cheese and crackers, and have cottage cheese a few times a week for lunch, but what is really driving me crazy is macaroni and cheese. Ohhh yum. Every day I just want a huge, steaming hot bowl of mac and cheese. Homemade is best, but in a pinch any will do. But, absolutely not from a box. Frozen, is decent, but never from a box. I need really gooey cheese in there.

Don't worry, I do take a prenatal vitamin with calcium supplement and my OJ is calcium/vitamin fortified. Plus, I incorporate all my veggies and fruits so my diet is balanced and not lacking in calcium, I just know I need more of it to build baby bones too.

Now, excuse me while I stalk some mac and cheese...