alone in my head, alone in my parenting

This year I've done a lot of growing about me, emotionally and personally and learning myself and it's been refreshing. I thought I was secure in who I was as a mother too, but lately I'm finding not so much. Or rather I am secure and happy with how I parent and the choices I make for my kids, but it's a lonely path.

I'm going to be completely transparent here-sometimes it just plain sucks. I often feel I'm the island floating along all alone in this great big ocean of mainstream parents. It's especially hard around friends and family who have very different focuses in their parenting and child-raising. It makes my child look like the holy terror, the Tasmanian devil, because he acts like a normal child. Huh? Exactly!

Kian is a boy, through and through. There's mud, there's bruises and scrapes. There's loudness and whirlwinds of activity. I curb it at the appropriate places but other times I just let it go. It's who he is, it's typical child development, it's good for him, it's realistic and normal. But, I get tired of those who still think "children should be seen and not heard" or those whose children are so perfect that they sit still and quietly play with an activity for long periods of time, those who dare swat my child because they're tired of the "childishness", or that my child isn't "educated" enough because I don't spend insane amounts of time drilling things in his head, and on and on it goes... And guess what, now it's times two with Karter toddling around acting all boy.

I know I'm alone mostly in my choices to not vaccinate and not dope my kids full of drugs at the slightest sniffle. I know I'm alone at times in my "weird" healthy food choices. (My sister opened my fridge yesterday and asked what we could make for lunch with almond milk, wheat germ and probiotic powder and avocado since that's all I had in my fridge. hehe) But, it's the "better than thou" attitude that I feel I get. It's those vibes that I'm doing something wrong, or my kids are "bad" or I'm a bad parent because of one or all of those things. Mostly I just grin and bear it, because it's my choice and my cross to bear, but other times it just sends me over the edge.

What do I care about? Healthy eating, safety without inhibition, raising respectful, caring, contributing, citizens who have a healthy imagination and creativity abounding by not being hindered or tethered down to desk learning, who think outside the box and enjoy physical activity and are thinking of others and have good morals and values. So, I guess I shouldn't really care about what others think of me and my kids and my parenting style...but sometimes it does. I know that all that should matter is that Kevin and I agree and my kids are happy and healthy. But sometimes, it's just hard to be places and with people who don't agree or where I can see obvious disdain and annoyance on their faces.

Thankfully I've hooked up with an email group who has similar ideas as I do, but have yet to meet them in person. It's just hard when Kian begs and cries for kids to play with and his choices are so limited. So, I shall be stretching myself even further and going where it's uncomfortable for me to go, so that he has what he needs and wants. And yes, he can play with whoever, regardless of parenting styles but sometimes it limits the play and things that can go on because of the differences in styles and what the other child is allowed to do, or how Kian can act and do at their home, etc.

So, once again, I find another stormy sea to navigate with my kids and hope that it ends up in the good place again. Parenting is just one big roller coaster of twists and jumps and dives and hills, seemingly a breeze at times and obviously a teeth-gritting challenge at times. I know we all have different styles but I'm just tired of getting the "she's the weird, wacky one" eye. Oh well.
I'll be alone in my parenting as long as my kids are healthy and happy.

ps since my computer is dead, I can't upload any photos yet, boo!

1 comment:

babyfood said...

I also feel alone sometimes when my beliefs and attitudes about parenting aren't validated by those around me--it's natural. I think the best we can do is surround ourselves with supportive people and look for similarities rather than differences. For example, even the methods of more "traditional" parents are probably rooted in wanting to create "respectful, caring, contributing, citizens" also. We all have that in common, whether we do or don't vaccinate, do or don't practice attachment parenting, do or don't intervene, etc. And if someone passes judgment on your chosen means, ignore them and move on.

You're not alone!