31 birthdays

Sounds old, seems old, but I don't feel "old". Heck, most of the time I still think my physical self is about 18. It works well except for those darn knees...which apparently runs in the family (as Kourt, Dad and I all sported knee braces last week..hmm.). I don't exactly know what "old" is anymore though, so I think that's good. It's all relative.

A lot has happened in those 31 years. I also realized I'll have only had my maiden/birth name for 22 years and my married name for the rest of my life. That's quite interesting percentages and comparisons...seeing how much of the beginning of your life shapes who you will turn out to be, but then you don't continue wearing that name. Random philosophical thinking by me, don't worry, it doesn't have to make sense. But growing up (am I grown up yet even?) getting married, having kids, having houses and pets and doing grown up things. But at times still feeling that I'm not grown yet, mature but not, it's a weird feeling, does it ever go away?

I spent the day, Mother's day also, just doing some relaxing things, not making a big deal, which is how I prefer it. We had brunch with my mom, went to May's and Kevin got me lilac bushes, visited my grandma, hung out with the boys, Kevin and Kourt redid the front garden and bricks, planted my bushes. Then dad came to the rescue, fixing our water heater, and then we all had subs for dinner. (I still did some laundry and dishes in there. They told me "oh don't do it today, wait, it's your birthday, it's mother's day". Um yeah, but then it will still be there waiting for me tomorrow, since no one else is doing it.) I dislike being the center of attention and feeling like I'm expecting gifts and fancy treatment or that people feel like they have to. I prefer some quality time and kind words. Just what I got.

Last year, I had big plans to do 30 donations, helpful acts, etc. At that point we were able to and did donate to several places and organizations throughout the year. I also was given one in my name for my birthday, which was cool. It ranged from police officers to breast cancer organizations to salvation army to Heritage Christian homes to.. oh, I can't remember. But, while it wasn't 30, it definitely was a nice thing to do and we felt like we'd contributed, at least in some small ways, to various people and organizations and such. This year, while we can't financially donate in the same way, I was thinking I should try to commit 31 random acts of kindness. Not like to be super woman, but like, assisting someone when they've dropped groceries or need a hand unloading something in the parking lot, that kind of thing. Not 31 in a year, that's lame, but wonder if I can do it in a month? The tricky part I think is that I'm sometimes oblivious to other people and things around me when I'm out and about because I have 2 active little boys who require all my senses to be on them. But, I can try right?

Sometimes I worry I haven't "done" enough in my 31 years. I haven't saved the world, or miraculously changed someone's life instantly, etc. I haven't donated $500,000 dollars to anything, I haven't fed the poor in Africa from my pot. I know, that I also need to see the little things and little ways I can change the world: I am an avid recycler, one may call me obsessed; I care about the environment and use cleaning products that don't contain toxins and chemicals, I cloth diaper my kids at least partially, etc.; I lend an listening ear; I have a project of raising children to become good citizens (a long term project, that can be difficult when we don't see results right away!); I want people to be happy and do the right thing (this can also get me in trouble when my 'right thing' isn't the same as theirs...oops); I care about my eternal life and my children's and my husbands, and everyone else's as well; but not to go on and on about myself. I just wanted to remind myself , that I do do some good things, small as they may be. Wiping little behinds and little noses and little tears do matter. Sending that plastic jug to be turned into another jug when I'm done with it, will matter. It's all relative.

Wonder what I can do with my next 31 years?

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