Marital roles (James McDonald sermon)

I know that the trendy, modern thing to do is to do your own thing. To define a man and woman's roles in marriage seems "lame". But, being the people we are, Kevin and I are pretty intense and passionate and so often neither of us want to back down. Lately this has just been on my heart.

I think this is part of the growing process having moved back here. I feel just like the bush we recently transplanted...trying hard to set roots again and grow, but not doing it well. Maybe I'm not getting the water or sunshine I need, maybe the soil is all wrong, I don't know. I know my resentment towards this move and Kevin aren't helpful and I know that, whether or not my husband is 100% in tune with God at this time, I need to trust him and let him lead-he does have a good eye and ear for these things and his plans make sense, I just am impatient and bitter at times. I'm so terrible. Anyways, I heard this sermon yesterday and it was great for me. I know the submission part gets people rubbed the wrong way, but I don't think they hear it as it's meant to be. I know each pastor, whoever, have varying ideas and interpretations as well. Anyways, here it is:

Submission means 'place yourself under the care of, yielding your will in a relationship' (not being beat into this submissive, weak, pathetic thing just bobble head-ing your way along to someone else's demands). We also submit to government and God. It's a choice, a choice to show reverence and be like Christ, and helps our husbands fulfill their roles and duties.

Submit in everything, except where it will injure you physically (ie abuse, certain situations, etc.) and except where it would cause you to sin (lovingly obey Christ over your husband here)

We show it by our attitudes and behaviors.

Marriage was part of God's original design (Genesis, creating Eve). This was interesting here, James said that everyone blames Eve for the fall, but it was EQUALLY Adam and Eve's fault. She shouldn't have made a decision of eating a life altering fruit without consulting her husband. But, he points out, where was Adam? He should have been with his wife, working along side her, and maybe it wouldn't have happened. What follows is that "women's desire will be for her husband". In the original language and wording, the word "desire" actually has the meaning of "to control, usurp" as in be in control, put pressure on, sway, etc. So, it's become a natural tendency, innate for us to want to be in control. And for me, growing up seeing very strong, in front women, who tended to make the decisions and control things, it's a tricky thing to figure out the balance. And Kevin, also coming from some women who are strong and in control, he either gets frustrated and withdraws or fights me tooth and nail. We're both very stubborn, persistent and impatient. We just need to make this combine for the right cause ;)

A verse James McDonald used was: Proverbs 14:1 "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one destroys it with her own hands." Interesting... Obviously, it's not just the woman's fault when things go wrong, and his part II today is about the man and their role in marriage, in care taking of the wife and children, etc. etc. So the men don't get off scotch free (I'm going to try to remember to turn on radio and do a follow up after that today). But, a choice, we can use our words and efforts to work together and build up a home, or fight for our independent freedoms and "rights" and our own way and in the aftermath possibly destroy what we're supposedly fighting to create.

Submission, in this context, is a way God uses wives to change their husbands. Changed women change their husbands.
It affirms and edifies their husbands, and their roles, and their work.
Without submission you can come between God and your husband.
It's allowing God to use you as an instrument for change.
It's the fastest way to the best outcome.

Basically it is a reminder to me to just shut my mouth sometimes. I don't always see the bigger picture. I do know Kevin's got our best in mind, so sometimes I just need to shush and sacrifice here and there for the good of the whole. And same goes for him. Just some good reminders to be patient and watch the words we use and remember that even 9 years later we don't have to give up those niceties and sweet actions we started out with when things were new.


babyfood said...

I enjoyed this post, Krysten. I'm not a Christian, but this is just plain good advice. Relationship experts say that compromise is absolutely critical. For me, getting older has done more than anything else to help me let go, because my younger self felt a defensive need to fight for every little thing. But deference/compromise/ submission or whatever you want to call it results in a stronger bond so that when something important comes up, your partner will choose to support YOU. The only thing to watch out for in compromise is building up internal "ammunition," letting things bother you over time and not discussing them, risking a blowup. If it bugs you, it's best be honest about your feelings at some neutral moment where the partner does not feel attacked. Just my two kronors' worth.

Krysten @ Glors Galore said...

I tried to remember to tune in for the next segment about husbands and am tryiing to find it online. It resonated with me, that basically, above all it needs to be a TEAM EFFORT. Not a me vs you thing. There are ways to be heard and discuss and such without always trying to prove a point, be right, etc. I found becoming a mother also helped me let go of a lot. I do things differently than a lot of people and I've had to learn to ignore it, back it up with my research, or deal with the eye rolls and comments. It's made me look more at that important things and the unimportant things, and that I don't need to fight over unimportant things just to get my way or be right, so on.