Questions and Answers

Q: When was the last time you cut Kian's hair?
A: December 19th, 2009. Yes, that means it's been 7 whole months since then. And that cut- Karter could have done better.

Q: So...when are you cutting Kian's hair?
A: When he wants it cut. I'm done apologizing, explaining away, ignoring, etc. It's hair. He wants it long, he loves his curls and so do Kevin and I. We like it longer as well. I know a day will come and he will want it short. So, for now it stays. It's hair, it comes, it goes. It can be changed whenever, it's not permanent. It's not like we let him get a tattoo or anything...


Q: Are you going to grow Karter's hair long too?
A: I don't know. Depends on his hair type, if it's curly, we might let it get a little longer, yes. And when he can form an opinion (okay, a verbal opinion) about it, we'll cut it or not, depending. And yes, it's starting to get curly, especially when he sweats. We just won't mention the poor blonde mullet he's sporting. If I cut the back then he'd really be bald, and I'm just not into that.

Q: What's with the healthy eating stuff lately?
A: Well, it's not just lately. It's all the time. It starts at home, with impressionable small children who will carry these things long into their lives-lives that will be long because of healthy eating. And America just isn't aware, or caring, that huge corporations are killing them with things that "taste great". Enjoy your slow death then, my friends.

Q: I don't know how to figure out if something is healthy, help?
A: I've been thinking about doing a post on label reading. I love that Wegmans site shows all the ingredients of every product they carry. It's a nice way to look at things before your in the rush of the store. Few rules: 1. the first ingredient is the most ingredient in something-you want that to be something healthy (ie-whole grains, or a fruit) 2. the more ingredients there are in something, the worse it is for you. 3. if there's high fructose corn syrup in it-put it back. 4. soy is not good for you either, leave that out. 5. if you can't pronounce it, don't put it in your body. there's more, but we'll save the lectures.

Q: Why are you selling your house? Why are you moving an hour away?
A: I grew up out near Canandaigua, and though we didn't plan on moving back there, when the opportunity presented itself to purchase my grandparents' home with lots of land and more square footage, who says no to that?


Q: Why cloth diapers?
A: I wanted to save money, save the environment, they're way cute, easier than you think, and Kian gets rashes from disposables.

Q: Why do you talk so much and have so much to say?
A: Probably because when I was little I didn't say much of anything. I was shy, but observant and kept a lot in. I remember friends of the family teasing me and actually getting upset with me that my answers were "I don't care". When asked what I wanted to drink for dinner "I don't care." He got mad and said "You should care, you do, don't be so indecisive, you're allowed to make a choice and have a want." So, I finally figured that out years later. I found my "voice" in my blog I guess.

Anything else you want to know about how crazy I am? Yeah....just ask.

Baby education?

I've had several people (who are now parents) ask me in the last few months, my thoughts on baby reading, educational programs for infants, and the like. I'll try not to be negative. But, I'm not fond of them-for many reasons. The most obvious? They force a child to memorize what is beyond their understanding (yes, I said memorize), it's a form of operant conditioning (think Pavlov's dogs), it's most often parent-led. They're also very costly if you invest in the "real deal", which you don't need.

Pros? Sure, you have a child you can show off their skills, a child who responds quickly, who likes to be rewarded and please you. Your child can recognize words, objects, foreign languages, possibly even math problems, spew out several facts about a person, place or thing. They might enjoy it. You have a head start on 99% of the children the same age. You have a smart kid. The child can develop learning/studying techniques (but they won't be used for a few years). And they'll probably read chapter books before 2nd grade.

I have never pushed much of this on Kian and yet at three he recognizes some words, he knows all his pre-academic skills for his age and beyond (ie. colors, shapes, counting, etc.). The other day he surprised me by sounding out the word "eggs". He asked me what the word said and just for the heck of it I asked him "what sounds do the letters make?" He said "eh, guh, guh, suh" (try explaining why you only say one 'guh' even though there are 2 g's!) after a few times he figured it out, "eggs!". This is from everyday play and talk (and thanks to his grandmother for several Leap Frog letter toys, which I cringe everytime I hear that darn song "e says eh and ee"). Sure I inject educational quips into everything we do (counting items, pointing out signs at the stores on the foods, discussing details about objects and processes-road paving for example). This leads to a better understanding of their world they live in and expands their interests.

Kian knows what store we arrive at, and recognizes the bags from each store. It's not really "reading" per se, it's shape recognition almost. How do we tell someone to write a letter? By describing the shape (A, it's a slanted line, pointed top, etc.). The same way the kids learn square, circle, etc. they learn that letters have shapes. They learn that every time they see that B shape you say Ball and they see a picture of a ball, and so on. I've just seen clients who couldn't speak a real word, but could "read" and while that was great, it didn't help their communication. They still couldn't tell mom they wanted juice or crackers. They still couldn't say "help".

It's about balancing it with their cognitive developmental needs and abilities. For children that enjoy it, it's great, especially if all other developmental areas are age appropriate. However, it can turn into an experiment on the child. Most parents end up using rewards (toys, praise, food, etc.) to get the results they want. They praise and offer a treat when the child performs the task correctly. The child picks up on disappointment and they just really want to please you, and might not really be learning what you're "teaching" but rather figuring out what pleases you (which isn't all terrible, we use forms of operant conditioning to get rid of bad behaviors and encourage good ones).

The real concern I think is that these kids might be learning words and other things, but you're going to send them into kindergarten (unless you plan on homeschooling, this will happen) with 23 other kids who cannot recognize a word, except maybe their name. They won't know vehicles, birds, countries, etc. and your kid is going to be really, really bored. Kindergarten is about circle time, socializing, learning to stand in line, what it means to be in a classroom. Not much fun for little Maggie who already knows the theory of relativity.

Another thing is that you're not tapping into the child's full range of sense. You're only engaging one sense, there are so many other sense to involve in the process of learning. A child learns best when all 5 senses are engaged in the process. Touching, smelling, even tasting are as much a part of learning as listening and seeing. Think mud, playdough, cooking, sand, water, etc. Music and play, pretend play, encouraging imagination and a wide variety of interests along with social exposure is the best way to develop a child's skills all around.

If a child is interested in things they learn about them, with more vigor. Kian loves Cars movie and construction vehicles, and about 400 other things. Having a limited interest can be a concern. The extreme giftedness can sometimes cover up other concerns and disabilities. Many kids on the spectrum are very talented in certain areas, but have social issues. All kids have a favorite thing, cartoon, etc. And they know all about it, every detail and will tell you. But, when a child cannot deviate from that favorite, it can be a concern. All kids have their strengths and that makes it more fun and interesting in preschool when Johnny can tell you about bugs, Mary can tell you about flowers, and Joey can teach you about music. This makes life diverse and more exciting for sure. But really, all kids will learn these things, eventually. Let kids be kids. Why the rush?

http://www.thefreelibrary.com

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/magazine/articles/2007/10/28/rush_little_baby/

http://www.heyquitpushing.com/why-sooner-inst-better.html

"In our country there seems to be an unspoken competition among parents. We feel as if it is somehow a reflection on our parenting skills if a friend's child learns to roll over, walk, talk, use the potty, or read before our child does. Isn't that a bit ridiculous? Do we feel that we don't quite measure up if a friend can paint a beautiful picture while ours look like hen-scratches? Of course not. Different people have different skills. We, as parents, need to make sure that our kids have a chance to follow their own pattern of skill development." (found here)

I know many of you disagree with what I say, we each parent differently and that's okay. But since I was asked a few times in the last few weeks, there's my opinion. Even as adults we have different skills and strengths. Life would be very boring if we were all just alike. It's just about being cautious and not pushing too much, too fast, and possibly causing children to dislike learning later on in life.

Finally-how to not parent in fear

Lenore Skenazy (the mother who let her 10 year old ride the subway alone) came to Rochester and gave a talk last month. I didn't know about it until that day, but now I wish I would have been able to go. I think it would have been great. I want to be free (mostly) from the fears I have that might hold my children back-hold them back from experiencing life, taking risks and therefore opportunities, from my fears and let them develop their own if they want, from society's fears... Her book and website are "free range kids" and she talks a lot about fears we have, how to let go, etc. An excerpt:

Any kid killed is a horrible tragedy. It makes my stomach plunge to even think about it. But when the numbers are about 50 kids in a country of 300 million, it’s also a very random, rare event. It is far more rare, for instance, than dying from a fall off the bed or other furniture. So should we, for safety’s sake, all start sleeping on the floor?

Well, upon reading that, I’m sure that some people will. But — let’s hope it doesn’t catch on. It’s crazy to limit our lives based on fear of a wildly remote danger.

Another mom castigated me for my irresponsibility and proudly said that she doesn’t even let her daughter go to the mailbox in her upscale Atlanta neighborhood. There’s just too much “opportunity” for the girl to be snatched and killed. To her, I’m the crazy mom.

Not that facts make any difference. Somehow, a whole lot of parents are just convinced that nothing outside the home is safe. At the same time, they’re also convinced that their children are helpless to fend for themselves. While most of these parents walked to school as kids, or hiked the woods — or even took public transportation — they can’t imagine their own offspring doing the same thing.

They have lost confidence in everything: Their neighborhood. Their kids. And their own ability to teach their children how to get by in the world. As a result, they batten down the hatches.

And then there are those who don’t.

We are not daredevils. We believe in life jackets and bike helmets and air bags. But we also believe in independence.

Children, like chickens, deserve a life outside the cage. The overprotected life is stunting and stifling, not to mention boring for all concerned.

So here’s to Free Range Kids, raised by Free Range Parents willing to take some heat. I hope this web site encourages us all to think outside the house.

Statistics show that crime is the lowest it's been in decades, that it's about the same as it was on the 1970's. You know, the years when kids rode bikes all over kingdom come and parents didn't know where they were until they yelled out that it was time for dinner? Yeah, those times. Society, media, money-hungry merchants all tell us to be afraid, be very afraid. And we are. But, do we even know why? Probably not. Just because someone told us to be afraid and be afraid for our kids, doesn't mean it's right, necessary, or sane.

Are there differences in where you live? Absolutely. Where I grew up it was "watch out for funny acting wild animals, natural dangers, and weird men when you're alone". For some of my former clients in the city it might be "watch out what colors you where, words you say, fights breaking out, gang signs, guns, etc." Are these real? Completely, very real dangers that exist every day.

But, to me, the purpose is to not shelter our kids so completely that they cannot think for themselves. We watch out for their safety, like Lenore says we wear our bike helmets and look both ways before crossing the street, but we can't, shouldn't, keep our kids in bubblewrap until they hit 21. Our purpose as parents is to teach them the necessary skills in order to be respectful, hardworking, contributing members of society. The role of the parent is much like a teacher or apprentice. We model the behaviors we want, we teach the skills needed in life, then we let them go and practice them. Of course at each age level that looks very different. At three, it's scraping your plate and putting it in the sink, it's playing on the deck while mom washes dishes and watches you through the window, it's going potty alone, it's dressing yourself, etc. At 9, it's riding your bike a block to a friends house, it's cleaning the bathroom, it's making yourself lunch, etc. etc. etc.

So, how do you do it? I really feel that the last 6+ years in a child development career completely allowed me to see the good, the bad, the ugly, what to expect, what's too much, what's too little, etc. Knowing what children should be able to do at a certain age is first and foremost. You can't expect a 2 year old to be completely independent in all areas, but they certainly can help, and do some things completely on their own. I'm not afraid to let Kian try either. I'll admit it was a tad scary watching him scale the giant rung ladder to the very high slide at the playground, while I stood at the bottom, wearing a sleeping baby, knowing there wasn't much I could do about anything anyways. So, I just watched and met him at the bottom. He was thrilled and proud of himself. I've learned: animals and children can sense your fear, your desperation, your nonchalance, your relaxed attitude, etc. Therefore, if you have to fake calm happiness, do it. If you're upset or nervous they feel it and feed off it. Nervous kids are more prone to get hurt because they're not focused on what they're doing as much as the feelings and mom's feelings.

It's a learning process, the first time they fall off their riding toys, the first time they want to "do it myself", there's a lot of checking yourself, biting your tongue, resisting the urge to run over and never let that happen again. But it will, and you might not be there when it does. This isn't heartless parenting. I hug and kiss my kids if they get hurt, but I probably throw a "I'm sorry you fell off that bike, I think you're okay, let's try it this way and ride again" in there too. There's not much Kian isn't allowed to try at this house, save for knives, Kevin's business stuff and that sort of stuff. Why should I hide certain things that in a few years he's going to learn anyways and I might need/want him to know then? I'm teaching him how to use the mouse lately and to get water from the fridge door.

"In order to parent with hope, we have to change our attitude from over-protection to one that teaches responsibility. Once we allow our children to suffer the age-appropriate consequences of their actions, even if it means watching them get hurt a bit, we give them the chance to learn a little more about how life works. A tumble off the swing set teaches them not to be so reckless. Failure to study results in a poor grade. It's through experience that our children learn which choices work and which ones don't." (found here)
[Another aspect-this article talks about how fearful parenting isn't from God. That all that fear is us not trusting God to take care of our kids, take care of us, to give us help in our parenting.]

Here's a secret: it saves me time and energy, lets him feel accomplished like a "big boy" and he learns a lot too. Keeping kids completely spotless, unharmed, always happy and never disappointed is a LOT OF WORK. For you mostly, but also for them, as they are never sure what they can do, are able to do, or if they should try. It also creates children with some serious adaptability and flexibility issues, with a touch of OCD, and guess what? That means more work for you again as they get older. Fine, call it lazy parenting, whatever. Start small. Let your child pick her own clothes out--eeek! I know, it might not match, and mostly Kian's don't. But, I prefer fighting battles on "not picking your brother up by the neck please" as opposed to "that plaid shirt doesn't match with those camo pants".

So...slow your steps, they might figure it out before you get there. Each whine isn't a call to duty, let them try more, get frustrated and persevere or give up, but let it be their choice. Don't do every little thing for them. Bite your tongue, especially before saying "you can't, you're too little" etc. They just might surprise you, they probably can or will figure out a way to do it anyway. Look the other way. A spill off the swing might only end up in tears if they know you're watching.
I saw Karter chewing on a pine cone and sand shovel, but kept hanging the laundry. Immunity at it's finest I say. Don't project your fears. Give them an inch. Give them the benefit of the doubt. "Instead of worrying about the danger, look at the actual risk involved and then determine the value of doing the particular activity. If it’s going to help build an innovative thinker, it might be worth a few potential nicks and cuts."
Believe in yourself, you know yourself and your child best. Trust your instincts, no book or trained expert can know you, your child and family best. If every mom in the playgroup gasps when you let Johnny use that playground port-a-potty alone, it's okay! Talk to them with real words, big words, don't dumb everything down, they're kids-not stupid. Stop reading so much! Too many books, too little time, too much conflicting "expertise" on what to do. Just feel and be, you'll know what's right-even if it's "wrong" in those dang books. As Dr. Spock said in Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care, "Don't take too seriously all that the neighbors say. Don't be overawed by what the experts say. Don't be afraid to trust your own common sense."
Finally: Believe in your kids! If you tell them they can, they believe and they can do anything!

PS. I just might teach my boys how to sword fight...


ref: Dr. Paul Donahue's book: Parenting without fear.

Live Science's Meredith Small: Why we fear parenting

50 dangerous things you should let your kids do


http://thetyee.ca/Life/2005/12/26/FearParenting/

Parenting in a climate of Fear

The results of parenting in fear

Children are resilient, I've been told often they will "survive in spite of me", and now I believe it. But, there are many effects of parenting in fear, because of fear, and these detriments can last a lifetime.

If we parent in fear, we might be afraid of: 1. our children not liking us, 2. our children getting harmed, 3. failure, etc. If we parent using fear, it's because we: 1. haven't learned proper child development and discipline techniques, 2. we think it's the quickest way to get a child to obey, etc. Another possibility is that we parent by allowing our child's fears to dictate his life, our life and the family life.

What could possibly be wrong with protecting our child so that they never get hurt, never get sick, always like us, always get what they want? What's wrong with scaring a child just a little to obey? What's wrong with always avoiding that one street, that certain color shirt, or food because Johnny's afraid of it? Lots.

[I claim to be no expert. I am just a (still fairly new) parent. I have a degree in psychology, studied child development and have worked with children for the last 8 years in various settings, typical, delayed and disabled. I also love to read and research so much, that I just need an outlet. Read or not, that's okay.]

Let's start off with the easy one: using scare tactics on your child. We've all done it. We'll all do it at some point. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It doesn't work when you're child is old enough to think, theorize, it loses it's effectiveness. (Okay, I typed that word and had to then look it up to make sure that theorize was indeed a word.) It works occasionally when you're child is running toward the street and you yell "stop or you'll get hit by a car". It's not so good, as Kevin found out, using it in such that you scare your child and that's all you hear about. He thought telling Kian that (jokingly) he should stay in bed so the alligators didn't get him and bite his feet. (yes, stupid) Well, for a week that's all we heard, afraid to get in or out of bed. I made Kevin make it right. You don't need to create a fearful child, plus as they get older they realize you have lied, or are lying, to them and won't take you seriously, especially about the important things.

So, what's so bad about catering to Johnny's needs, avoiding everything green, everything that slightly resembles that mouse he's terrified of? It's not realistic. That's not how the real world works. You can't avoid these things forever. You might be able to avoid that certain thing in your neighborhood but when he's on the bus for kindergarten, they can't and won't.

Should we throw our children to the wolves? No, but we should work on their flexibility, their adaptability, and learn that it's okay to be uncomfortable and feel that way but we also need to look at the greater picture. Kian doesn't want to leave the library, but I've given him warnings that it's time to go. He is going to make a scene, I know it and he knows it. It doesn't matter the threats or discipline I adhere, it's bound to happen. But does that mean I give in and stay longer? No, I tell him that I/we need to do what's best for the family as a whole and staying another hour isn't it. I describe his feelings "I know you're mad/sad/etc. about leaving, we can come back another day, but it's time to go". Then I shut up and if he's still having a fit, so be it, I buckle him in, roll down the window, turn up the radio and away we go. (There's also a fear of discipline, which is a whole other issue.) But, if we try to avoid any and all triggers in our children we are creating false security (it's going to happen sometime, someday, somewhere and it's better to prepare them now) and that their needs trump the rest of the family's or world's needs.

The same goes for fearful parenting of avoiding germs, never letting them get hurt. The world is not a terrible place, but we are teaching them it is by telling them all the bad things that could happen, might happen to them. We can't protect them until they're 40, we can't put bubble wrap on every street corner. Many times, clients of mine would receive physical therapy for delayed gross motor skills. I'd go with the PT and she'd work on crawling or walking up stairs and parents would freak out. They didn't want their kids exposed to stairs, it's too risky and scary. The PTs would try to explain it was necessary for proper motor development (all the million reasons why). Why are we afraid to let our kids try? Sure they will fall, get hurt, but they learn to get up and try again. There's protecting our kids and there's overprotecting them and then there's just insanity. =) I have scars, and I can tell you exactly where each one came from--right shin-fell on cement steps leading to our front door, back of left thigh-fell off swing at church onto the cement holding the post in, 8 yrs old, under my chin-rode my trike down the front steps at age 3 (okay I don't remember that last one, mom reminds me). But, that's life.

The child then begins to learn and feel they are only safe at home, the rest of the world and everyone in it is bad, dirty, harmful, etc. They withdraw, they are shy, they don't trust. They become fearful. They are naive and gullible, easily taken advantage of by the more experienced kids. They're awkward and not fluid in social settings. They don't try. That, I think is the saddest part, they don't try. They don't learn to become confident, they aren't given chances to try and fail, to try again. If mom tells them they can't do x, then they won't do it and they won't try it. I don't want to tell my kids they can't not do anything (well, you know what i mean, except like whacking his brother, running in the street...). I want them to try. I know they'll fail sometimes, but i want them to keep trying. I don't want them to fear things, people, their world. I want my kids to view the world as opportunities and wide open, and to reach their fullest potential.

Parenting in fear

Parenting in fear. It's a new phenomenon. It's all the rage. Don't climb stairs (you'll trip and bang your head). Don't run (you'll fall and break a leg). Don't choke (better yet don't eat anything that doesn't melt, so you won't risk dying). Don't use a fork (too sharp). Don't touch (anything, anyone, and kissing? That warrants a haz-mat rinse down!). Never cross the street (you'll just get hit and die). Never go barefoot (bees, tetanus, germs!). Just point and I'll get it for you, it's much safer that way. Plus you'll never hate me. Just smile and I'll give you the world, then there won't be any therapy in your future and I"ll forever be the cool mom. I'll even chew your food for you.

Before anyone gets their panties in a twist, let me preface this by saying that I saw myself this way for awhile, when Kian was about 6 months to 15-16 months. Almost a year of fearful parenting. He could only eat organic foods. No high fructose corn syrup (ok, so that's still a goal). I walked behind him, following him every second to make sure he didn't put anything in his mouth, didn't get touched by strangers, handed him whatever he pointed to, tried to be oh so fun, exposed him to all the developmentally appropriate toys and activities, did an ASQ monthly to make sure he was developing according to schedule. Sometimes I still do some of these things, but it's not the obsession it used to be. It doesn't take up my life like it used to. Why? What happened? A few things. Kian became a toddler, and a strong-willed toddler at that. I had to adapt and he became faster than me. One day at Wegmans while I was picking out oranges, he grabbed an apple from the seat of the cart and began eating it (about 15 months). Gross that it hadn't been washed, but I figured it wouldn't kill him. (It didn't.) That month he also fell on the driveway and got a gash on his head, despite me doing everything "right". The next month, he ran into a corner at daycare and split his forehead open. Guilt, lots of guilt. Everyone saying "he's a boy, boys will be boys". I began reading more about this fearful parenting, remembering my own childhood, and began thinking "why should I put my kid in a bubble?". And so, I don't. Besides, that waiting on your child hand and foot, 24/7? It's tiring, annoying and teaching them unrealistic expectations of the 'real' world.

(Already assume responsible parenting with necessary safety precautions before continuing reading, okay? Good.)

One day I read this article at work. I was shocked. This mother let her 10 year-old ride the subway in NYC, alone?! Crazy. But, after (days of) thinking about it, and comparing it to my own experiences, it was parallel in a lot of ways. Would I let my child ride the subway in NYC? No. Why? Because we're not "city people". We (Kevin and I) don't even really know how to ride the subway! (We walked all over Toronto in effort to avoid confusing ourselves, ahem embarrassing ourselves.) We're country folk. But, in the same token, I recall playing outside alone for hours. Walking up the creek for hours, no adults. Occasionally, we'd get the "you still there?" yell from mom, tell her yes and go about our business in the woods. Walking to the beach. Riding our bikes down the roads. Climbing trees. Taking care of a horse and goats inside an electric fence at 10, 9 and 7 years old...while mom was in the house. And on and on.

I have so much to say about this topic, that i think it will evolve into several posts. I don't want one post to be too long. What I've been rediscovering, and trying to make Kevin discover is that parenting in fear (our fears, the child's fears, or using fear to elicit behaviors) is just wrong on so many levels. Who creates these fears? We do, in ourselves; greedy, money-hungry companies do; media does, etc.

Companies now convince us we need special outlet plates and covers, breathable bumper pads (I only own one because it was the ONLY brown one I could find, so there!) mesh baby feeders so babies don't choke, latches on toilets and cupboards, ducks to tell us how warm the bathwater is (what's wrong with your hand?) the list goes on and on. It's nuts.
We fear that CPS will be called if our child screams in a store (someone might think we abuse him!).
We fear embarrassment and humiliation in front of other parents (they think we're too hard, too soft, can't control our kids, etc.).
We fear our kids (if we don't give them everything and do everything for them, they might not like us).
We fear society (kidnappers, rapists, etc.). Statistics show that strangers are least likely to kidnap or abuse your child; most kids are harmed by people they know. The reason we hear about abductions? Internet, news, tv, etc. Years ago you didn't hear about the one child in California that was kidnapped and killed because by the time it go to NY it was old news. We can just spread the fear a lot faster nowadays.
We fear harm, germs, disease (a fall, a scrape, a chipped tooth, H1N1, etc.). But that's just part of being a kid.

My goal is to let my kid be just that, a kid, and to let natural consequences show him the ways of the world. An example of that is yesterday we walked around Black Creek Park for a couple hours. We put on old clothes and we let Kian tromp through the mud and woods with us. He loved it, was absolutely in heaven. He played with sticks and leaves, attempted to catch a few snakes, and much more. When he got too close to the ravine we told him to walk on the other side of us. When we got to the pond, we told him to stay back from the edge so that he wouldn't fall in. (It's small and shallow, but still cold and muddy.) There were a few water holes that led into the pond, here and there. We warned and reminded him to look out where he was walking for these holes. Well, being not-quite three, enamored with the pond, and just not paying attention, he falls into one of these holes. His leg and arm on one side got all wet and muddy. He wasn't that upset. In fact, Kevin was more upset about it then Kian or I were. He said that we both should have listened and not let him fall. Excuse me? I am not going to control my child like a robot every second. And guess what? Next time he will be more careful where he steps, won't he? I expect him to get dirty, to fall and get some bumps. To be a boy. A little water and mud are easily washed off. But building confidence in himself, to make his own decisions, to accomplish things, to let him see he is capable, to not shy away from difficulties, to not be afraid of the world or everything in it, to not hold him back, it's freeing both for him and me, and builds a lot more character and determination than my preaching at him.

I am...

I am that mom who:

lets my babies sleep on their stomach sometimes during naps

puts blankets on my babies and in their cribs

has stuffed animals in my babies cribs

co-sleeps with my newborns and infants, and lets my toddler come in when he wants to

won't give my baby a bottle "just so he can learn to take it"

skips pureed baby foods and goes straight to solids (or makes my own mashed foods)

won't vaccinate my babies

slings them, and totes them around in carriers instead of car seats and strollers

lets fevers break rather than give tons of tylenol

doesn't give antibiotics for ear infections or chemical gels for teething

I am... a pediatrician's worst nightmare.  =D  

Confessions of a bad parent

This is not an easy post. But, I have come to a lot of realizations lately and it hasn't been comforting. Funny when things finally make sense you feel so stupid and it hits you like a ton of bricks...duh! And then the guilt sets in.

I have been exasperated, utterly and completely frustrated with Kian lately. I react, I yell, I even spanked him a couple times this week, then I feel so guilty but try to not swing radically back to the other side and baby him after and confuse him even more. But, it's not easy. These two's are killing me here. Or were. Until I realized several things today.

The napping and bedtimes have been almost unbearable, agonizing at times. Part of it is that I just want him to sleep so I can have five minutes to check email and go to the bathroom and maybe throw some makeup on before Kevin walks in the door. I can do the loads of laundry and that stuff while he plays. He helps clean up sometimes and is occupied so that housework can get done. But if its anything to do with me and me alone it doesn't happen. Karter's napping routine is so-so. He's pretty much awake for 2 hours then sleeps for 10-1, then awake for til 3ish, then takes like 2 catnaps until bedtime. I haven't really cared to put him on a schedule yet, he's working his own out. Although today I think it's time I start getting things on a more predictable pattern. (I won't force him to a minute by minute schedule.)

Kian's sleeping went from the easiest, read a book, sing a song and he falls asleep on his own in a few minutes to this drawn out screaming, crying, jumping around ridiculousness. I have been having to sit on his bed until he falls asleep. Sometimes he gets up and is crazy and it's a battle. He fights off everything he knows will put him to sleep-music, back rubs, etc. And if Kevin tries to do it he freaks out even more until I come up. I know he's two, I know there's been lots of changes, and I know my attitude has been a big factor in it.

He just fell asleep finally at 2:45 after over an hour of trying. I really haven't even tried a nap in over 2 weeks because it's just easier to let him stay up and then put him to bed at 7:30 and he will sleep until 7 am. I implemented quiet/rest time with a book or a story on tape, or sometimes a show on the couch for an hour. But tonight we are going to be out and having to do dinner at 6 pm, so I knew he needed to sleep for just a bit. I don't even want to think about what drama would have happened had he not fallen asleep. If he naps then he won't even think of falling asleep until 9 or 9:30 pm and then wakes by 6:30. I will take the 7-7 with no nap, thank you very much!

I can deal with the roughness of his "love" towards Karter. I can deal with the no nap so that he goes to bed earlier and I have some quiet time with Kevin or myself at night. I can even deal with the potty training accidents. But lately, it was an accumulation of everything putting me over the edge. I am not a fan of spanking, but I have never said I wouldn't ever do it. This week I did it out of exasperation and anger, which I always said I wouldn't do. Although, I did blurt out "If you do that again I will spank you" and felt that I had to follow through. And being called an idiot by your two year old will cause you to react in ways like that. Yeah. And spanking does not work for him. He either laughs it off and continues on or he breaks down and talks about it and it's a big drama. With Kian being so verbal, I don't want a huge spanking conversation with someone who will end up thinking i"m beating him to death because of his theatrics.

As I sat there, next to him fighting sleep and trying to engage me in conversation I thought a lot about how our days have been going. Obviously holidays always put a wrench in things but that's okay. I had tried to put a routine in place similar to one they had at daycare so that we would do outside/playtime and an art time, etc. then lunch and nap. I have been frustrated at why this isn't working and constantly blaming Kian, saying he's being naughty or he's not listening and he's in the terrible twos, etc.

Upon thinking more, I began viewing things from his little perspective. Not only did I pull him out of daycare, where it was very routine and predictable, as well as social and fun and tiring, but I stayed home and brought with me a new baby that takes up all my time and attention or has to be held, etc. Routine and predictability went out the window. Mommy's irritability increased, mood swings ensued due to lack of sleep. He never knows what he's going to get, depending on how my day/night went, will I be a pushover and sweet or snap at him and put him in time out? And upon further review-it's the beginning of the day that is the most monumental-I was always awake before him and he'd wake up and I would greet him with a smile and breakfast. Now, it's grumpy, in bed with Karter and "stop touching him" and "shh, quiet! baby's sleeping".

It's not him-it's me! Well, it's both. But, I have been putting it off on him, and I am a big contributor to his behaviors. I mean, I know this stuff, but I didn't see it and think it was happening here. It is. So...what's that mean? I need to stick to the routine I wrote out for him, especially since he will be going back to daycare in a month. I need to get myself out of bed before or at the same time he does and get everyone up and going. And tv. Oh yes, how can we forget how I ranted and raved and then finally caved and found myself almost becoming what I loathed? Just like everyone told me, I began putting a show on in the morning while I nursed Karter, then for rest time, then daddy would be conned into turning it on when Kian asked and pretty soon I realized it was enough and too much. We put a stop to all the night time tv except for special movies like before, where it was a treat. If I have phone calls to make or something like that I will let him turn on one half hour show. It's been off more because his behavior is absolutely horrible when he watches too much tv, as in more than 30 mins. And he doesn't get enough activity to be tired for nap times.

We will no longer be staying in pajamas until whenever. Instead of letting Karter sleep til whenever in the morning I think it would behoove me to get him up and going as well to start to get the daycare routine implemented. And I need to get myself to bed. On time. I know, I'm a grown woman, right? But I need to be in bed same time every night so I can get up and we can all begin preparing for the back to work thing. As well as to keep the crankies at bay. I have also been doing a lot of 'giving' to so many people my time, my energy, my ear on the phone til all hours of the night, and during the day. It's leaving me depleted, leaving me focused on other things outside my house and family. I need to cut out calls during the day and resume my hobbies at least weekly to keep myself up and feeling good and refreshed.

I kept focusing on getting vegetables in there and learning letters and teaching "educational" things and house cleaning and eating healthy that I lost sight of my boy and just being a kid and consistency I tell Kevin about daily. Perhaps it was the poem I read again today, that my mom sent to me when I went to college about parents wishing there were still little hand prints on the doors and toys to step over and more time spent playing and less time spent cleaning... Because he won't remember if he learned to read at 2 or 7, he won't remember if the floor was full of crumbs or not. But he will remember if mommy spent time taking him outside or reading that annoying book over and over because he asked, not yelling at him for 'playing' with baby brother, but snuggling all together eating forbidden snacks, not if he matched and Karter matched him and shoes were shined, but if we laughed and sang silly songs... That's my goal from here forward--again!

The Great TV Debate Debacle

So, over on Facebook I created quite the stir about children watching tv. It was quite heated. And most of them were against me.

I stated that I do not let Kian watch tv. Now, to be honest, we don't completely refuse him any tv. When Kevin's mother is here on Mondays, I know the tv is on almost all day long. I know this because I come home and he talks about at least 4 shows he's seen that day. I really don't like it, but I know it's one day of the week, it's PBS, and they are playing and cleaning while it's on. But, I do limit the shows he can watch. We do not have many channels, which helps us keep the tv off.

The main reasons I'm "against" toddler tv? 1. Too much background noise. 2. They're too little and developing rapidly at this age. 3. The quality of shows, even "educational" shows. 4. There is much more to do than watch tv, especially to facilitate imagination and learning-(i.e it's not a babysitter). 5. Commercialism.

I am sensitive to too much background noise (too much noise at all, really) and having the tv on rather annoys me at times; especially, if the tv is on and no one is watching it. We, as a society have become too attached to electronics, to instant gratification and we do not savor silence. We do not know how to be still and enjoy others, to talk and have dinner conversations anymore. There is absolutely no tv during meal time in my house. I am only "attached" to one show-House, and that is the only one I watch during the week. I think society gets too caught up in these reality shows, and the popular show of the season, and they sit transfixed week in and week out to see what happens next. For us, we don't sit down and turn the tv on until Kian is in bed, except the occasional Wheel of Fortune. He calls it "Letters Show" and loves to point out the letters. I want him to talk, to converse with us, to be heard and not compete with the tv all the time.

I think reasons 2 and 4 actually go together here next. The AAP recommends no tv for children under two for many reasons. Social interaction with people is much more of a learning experience for children than tv. As is toy play, learning cause and effect, problem-solving, etc. Studies are showing that children who begin watching television at a young age (infant) are showing more signs of ADHD/ADD, inability to concentrate, are easily distracted, not to mention obesity in America's children is escalating rapidly. When watching Tv kids are inactive and usually want things to eat and drink, leading to more weight gain than pediatricians recommend. Also, they've noted that kids who watch lots of tv tend to have delayed speech because they do not talk while watching, are not being talked to, or hearing themselves talk. What starts out as education preschool tv easily turns into a variety of shows, then video games, which are way more violent.
Babies do not need Yo Gabba Gabba or Teletubbies. Colored, sing-song blobs do not teach them anything. It simply puts them in a spot so mom can get something done. Have I done that before? Absolutely! Often? No, and I still feel guilty doing it.

"Experts suspect that babies younger than two years old view TV as a confusing array of colors, images, and noises. They don’t understand much of the content. Since the average TV scene lasts five to eight seconds, your baby or toddler doesn’t have enough time to digest what’s happening." (Found here.)

As much of a pain it is for me to include Kian in a lot of activities I need to get done around the house, it's such a great learning experience for him. I let him help me cook. Does flour get everywhere? Does he spill things all over? Yes. Do I get annoyed? Of course. But, for him, it's the best thing on earth. He's so proud to help. He's learning measurements and ingredients, how to clean up, and spending quality time with me. I feel their little brains are just developing so much in such a short time that I want to fill that brain with these kind of things, both education and those memories, not tv.

Onto point 3. The quality of "children's" shows these days is better in many ways, but still not always appropriate for the age they target. Some programs are much improved in the way they talk in simple sentences, incorporate letters, numbers, pre-academic and problem-solving ideas. But, I even have beef with Sesame Street lately! The baby bear on the show has a speech issue, impediment, delay, whatever it is, is not great for kids to watch and imitate. D itto for Elmo and his improper grammar and pragmatics. And I love Sesame Street, but really?
Other shows have violence, children talking back or being disrespectful to parents and authority figures. I love me some Spongebob, but would I let Kian watch it? No. Not until he's quite a bit older. I've noticed other innuendos in movies as well, that I have already decided to not let him watch for a few years: mainly Shrek and the like. Even turning on the Looney Tunes recently I was surprised to see the amount of violence that I watched as a child. And there are also words on shows I do not want to introduce him to yet, as we all know children are parrots and will say that word to death.

Even if the show itself is decent and one I don't have a problem with, I take issue with the amount of commercialism surrounding these shows. If I really wanted to I could outfit my house with Dora bed set, sheets, curtains, pillows, cups, bowls, plates, spoons, cups, water bottles, rugs, towels, clothes, sneakers, socks, underwear, winter coat, mittens, hat, boots, not to mention Dora bathroom supplies-toothbrush, paste, washcloths, shower curtains, potty chair, birthday cake, party hats, party supplies, place mats, wrapping paper...oh, you get the idea?
This may be more for myself, but I refuse to be boxed in by one character. I refuse to get my child things simply because they have a character on it. And I want him to learn that things without characters can be as much fun and allow for much more imagination. (This is also why I do not like single action toys, I prefer ones without lots of lights and sounds too, ones that are open-ended.) Let's not even get started about the amount of commercials between these shows for all kinds of toys, telling children they need these things, as well as fast food chains promoting unhealthy food. I can't afford it, you don't need it, don't tempt my child with it, it's useless.

I am not claiming to be superwoman, mother of the year by any means. I screw up a lot, especially being pregnant, tired, hormonal and uncomfortable, dealing with the energizer bunny energy of a 2 year old. I pick my battles. To me, healthy eating, learning/education and bonding are the most important things for children and families. This to me, means little or no tv. I've raised my voice a few too many times. I've given into sugary snacks. I have left work and went shopping while Kian was at daycare. I'm not perfect.

Everyone has their own priorities and their own ideas on what is best for them, their children and families. I just was surprised at the outrage at me for not allowing my child to not indulge in tv constantly. I was called overprotective, a bitch, shallow, mean, close-minded, and on and on it went. I sort of expected more parents to agree that tv watching in toddlers isn't a good idea.

Are there some good things to come of tv watching? Yes! But, as the experts suggest it needs to be limited shows, limited times, educational shows, and parents should always watch with the kids to expand on the ideas from the plot. If Dora is visiting her Abuela then you can turn that show off when it's over and talk about the grandparents in the child's life and look at pictures or perhaps make them a card/picture. This teaches them that it's more than entertainment to fill time and silence. It generalizes skills learned on the show.

Choosing age appropriate shows is also important. Like I said, Spongebob entertains me and I find it funny, but it's not a show for a toddler. Keeping it simple, short and sweet is key. We choose Veggie Tales, the occasional Mickey Mouse Club show, and we love the word shows on PBS I feel that these shows promote quality themes, learning opportunities along with some fun music and clean humor that are important to our family. If your child is developing appropriately and watching a few hours per day of tv, then you probably have nothing to be worried about, just make sure you're spending quality family time together as well. There are much worse things you could be doing...

Early Intervention Series: Part III: What are delays and eligible diagnoses?

Part I: What is Early Intervention?
Part II: How do I know if my child needs EI and who do I contact?

First, I want to define and discriminate between a developmental disability, a developmental delay and a diagnosis. All three are seen in EI and addressed by EI therapies, however they are different, they have different outcomes generally, and are addressed in different manners.

What is a developmental disability?
For explanation I turn to wikipedia:

"Developmental disability is a term used to describe life-long disabilities attributable to mental and/or physical impairments, manifested prior to age twenty-two (I've heard 21), affecting daily functioning in three or more of the following areas:

• capacity for independent living
• economic self-sufficiency
• learning
• mobility
• receptive and expressive language
• self-care/self-direction

Frequently, people with mental retardation, Cerebral Palsy, Autism spectrum disorder, various genetic and chromosomal disorders such as Down syndrome and Fragile X syndrome, and Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder are described as having developmental disabilities.Developmental disabilities are usually classified as severe, profound, moderate or mild, as assessed by the individual's need for supports, which may be lifelong."

So, a disability is generally a lifelong issue, although there are exceptions to every rule. And diagnoses are sometimes interchangeable with developmental disability, but not always. Got it? Good. That's how EI is, ever changing and confusing.


What exactly is a developmental delay?
A developmental delay is simply that, a delay in development and skills one would be expected to have at any given age. It differs from a developmental disability in that, it's usually not a lifelong issue. Parents with more than one child often notice a difference or a 'lag' in one of their child's skill areas; as being slower from their other children's development. First time parents may not notice these lags as easily, having nothing to compare to. Doctors often make the referrals for a screening or evaluation during a well child check, when they notice the child is behind in physical or communication skills, as they are the most easily spotted delays.

A child must have a 33% delay in one developmental domain, or 25% delay in 2 or more developmental domains to qualify for EI services. This varies with age and skill expecation for the age. Domains include: social/emotional, cognitive, communication, physical and selfhelp/adaptive skills. An EI evaluation will confirm suspected delays in one or more areas.

What are red flags I might notice in my child's development, signaling a developmental delay; or signaling the need for further evaluation?

Physical concerns:
*Seems either very stiff or very floppy like a rag doll; uses one side more than the other (at any age)
*Lack of head control by 4 months
*Cannot grasp a rattle or toy by 4 months
*Not rolling or attempting to roll by 6 months
*Cannot sit with help when the body is put in a sitting position by 7 months.
*Does not crawl or drags one side while crawling by 12 months
*Cannot stand when supported by 12 months
*Not using pincer grasp by 12 months
*Cannot push a wheeled toy by 18 months
*Does not walk by 18 months or walks exclusively on the toes, or other atypical motor pattern.

Social/language/cognitive concerns:
*Does not respond to sounds or turn her or his head to locate sounds by 6 months.
*Does not laugh, make squealing sounds, smile spontaneously, babble, try to attract attention, or show interest in peek-a-boo by 7 months.
*Does not point to objects or pictures, or search for objects that are hidden while he or she watches, by 12 months
*Says no single words (or word approximations such as "ba" for ball) by 12 months
*Does not learn to use gestures, such as waving, head shaking, peekaboo, clapping, by 12 months
*Does not speak at least 15 words and begin to use two-word sentences 18 months
*2 year olds should have a minimum of 50 words (about 70% intelligible to familiar people)
*Does not seem to know the function of common household objects like telephones and utensils by 18-24 months
*Does not imitate actions or words or follow simple instructions such as "give mommy the ball" by 24 months

Feeding/oral motor concerns:
*Not being able to swallow or accept spoon properly a month or so after food has been introduced.
*Not being able to accept various textures, thicknesses of foods
*Refusal of table foods/solids, preference for babyfoods/purees.
*Excessive spillage from bottle, breast or spoon while eating (babies new to solids will dribble at first)
*Inability to swallow properly, take food from spoon, or form good seal around nipple (newborns) --some children are tongue tied making this hard to do.
*Preference for one particular food/drink, refusal to accept others
*Not finger feeding self, interest in utensils by 12-18 months

*A regression in any skill your child has mastered and suddenly stops doing. This happens occasionally, a child might 'forget' the skill for a short time, but should be able to do it again.

Any atypical behaviors:
*hand-flapping
*constant head-banging (not just during tantrums, all the time)
*excessive (abnormal/atypical) 'energy' or need to run, jump, crash into things
*abnormal rocking of head and/or body
*lack of safety awareness
*continued uncoordinated movements, clumsiness

Other Sensory type behaviors:
*tags on shirts bothers skin
*can't touch certain textures (paint, pudding, koosh balls, etc. some children actually gag or drool if they touch certain textures.)
*inability to handle loud noises, crowds, many activities at once (overstimulation)
*inability to focus in those loud, crowded environments
*love of deep pressure, aversion to light touch (some of these kids love to hit so they can feel that *deep pressure input, loves jumping off couches and big bear hugs);
*or the opposite-cannot stand deep touches
*loves swinging, spinning excessively; or opposite-fear of swinging, spinning, being off the ground
*refusal to be bathed, hair washed, teeth brushed, hair cut, etc.
*difficulty transitioning from one activity, or place, to another

*Any feeling that your child's skills 'just aren't right' or 'a bit off'. Listen to that mommy intuition.

Many pediatricians tell parents to wait, and wait, and wait, with many excuses (he's a boy, boys talk late; s/he's a middle child, they're behind the eldest always; s/he's the baby of the family, everyone else talks for them; they'll catch up; it's no big deal; every child is different; don't worry; wait it out; etc.) and you risk losing valuable time doing that.

This site has great milestones divided by age and domain.


What are (recognized) diagnoses?
For EI, some diagnoses automatically qualify a child for services. It doesn't determine the amount of service a child receives, as that is decided by the team and how much of a delay the child shows due to that diagnosis. Some diagnoses are made before birth via ultrasound and testing (such as Down syndrome, or heart/brain/limb abnormalities). Some are made at birth due to appearance and physical indicators, and yet others are not diagnosed for months or years depending on the characteristics and symptoms a child shows.

Some common automatic EI qualifiers:
Autism/PDD
Down Syndrome
Prematurity (certain extreme low birth weights)
HPLH syndrome
profound deafness/hearing impairment
blindness
Cerebral Palsy
certain neurological, metabolic, or genetic disorders, chromosomal anomaly,
honestly there are several more, and I should have looked at my reference manual before I blogged this tonight!


Helpful sites:
Red Flags for Autism: http://www.firstsigns.org/concerns/flags.htm
Zero to Three: www.zerotothree.org
http://www.healthychild.net/articles/sh39redflag.html

Next up: Part IV: Process for receiving EI services

Early Intervention Series: Part II: How do I know if my child needs EI and who do I contact?

Part I: What is Early Intervention can be found here.

How do I know if my child needs Early Intervention or other services?
What are symptoms or characteristics I might look for?
If I see things I am concerned about, what do i do? Who do I contact?

Now that you know what Early Intervention is, how do you know if your child, or a child close to you might benefit from Early Intervention services? There are several ways a child makes his or her way into EI.

The first way a child might enter the EI system is at birth. Children who are referred for services at birth are: premature babies; those diagnosed with a disease, disability or syndrome that affects growth and/or development; something diagnosed in utero or at birth. The parents of these children often are made aware that the child will be referred immediately after birth.

The most common way children are referred to EI is by the pediatrician. At one of the child's well checks, while the doctor runs through a few developmental questions they might notice something about the child, or the parent might alert the doctor to a concern that causes a referral to be made. Most often this happens at the 18 month and 2 year check up.

Just as often, the parents, themselves make the referral. They have a concern about some aspect of their child's development and would like to have it further assessed. Sometimes the pediatrician's downplay the parents' concerns and tell them to wait, but the parent would rather have the child evaluated sooner. Or they just begin to notice something is different, slower, or not typical and want the referral.

Another possible way is that the child, typically developing to this point, has an illness, an injury, or some other traumatic event that causes a "pause", or a complete stop, or a total loss in their developmental skills; or the child is laid up recovering and needs help to catch up to their previous development.

There is, finally, always the daycare, CPS, ER or other referral. The child had been "flying under the radar" until an event where both parent and child are reviewed in depth and concerns are noted. Daycares often refer multiple children for screenings at the same time. Sometimes the parents must follow EI services and comply with them as a requirement of a court order, or other mandated reasoning.

If a parent notices concerns they have a few options for referral to EI. They can contact their pediatrician to discuss the concerns and see if the pediatrician agrees a referral should be made. They can contact EI directly and ask for a screening or evaluation. Each county, in every state, has a type of EI program (no matter what it is named) and can be found by calling the Public Health dept. Visiting nurses, hospitals, daycare providers are usually familiar with the EI system and can help parents access EI or make the referral for them.

Next time: in depth discussions about what is considered a developmental delay, what diagnosis receives an EI referral, what are "red flags" that parents might notice or look for in their child...

Part I: What is Early Intervention?

Early Intervention Series: Part I What IS EI? An introduction to your EI system

Early Intervention (EI) is a federally mandated, federally funded program, in line with IDEA, to assist children, ages birth through three years old, with disabilities, delays and diagnosis, to receive help, education and assistance they need.

What?
EI is federally mandated, meaning every state has to have some type of program in place to help children 0-3 who are showing a developmental delay, or have a diagnosis of some sort. The government tells the states they must have this program, but leave it up to each state how to run it (and what to call it). Here in NY the health department oversees EI and each county's health department or maternal/child health program oversees EI services within that county.

For who?
Any child identified as having a developmental delay, recognized diagnosis, age birth to three years old. Regardless of income, any child is eligible for EI services if they show delays in developmental areas or receive a diagnosis at any time.

Associated Costs?
In NY no fees are associated with EI at all. This varies from state to state. Having referred clients to other states, I know that Texas is a sliding-scale fee for services, based on income. They look at the parents' income and family is charged X dollars per month for all services the child receives. The client I was referring was going to pay only $15/month, but still it can add up. Honestly, NY has one of, if not, the best EI and disability services, and access to services. One family told me that in Florida her son could not receive occupational therapy unless he was severely Autistic. Her son was not Autistic, but desperately needed OT for fine motor and sensory processing. He could not receive it until they moved to NY.

This is why, on my end, the job can be stressful. As there are no fees to the families and it is federally and locally funded, my job is a 'fee for service' job. Which means, we have to maintain certain numbers and percentages to keep things afloat. But, that is not for families and recipients of EI to worry about. Just a tidbit for you.

What's next?
In preparation for the rest of my EI series, let me familiarize you with some acronyms. There are a multitude of acronyms used in EI (see?) and can be confusing for families at first. We try to remember that we use these daily but parents are new to the system and can be easily overwhelmed.
EI: Early Intervention

ISC: Initial Service Coordinator (in Monroe County, it's the first person you meet with to discuss EI)

OSC: On-going Service Coordinator (this is my job, this person stays with you throughout your EI 'stay')

IFSP: Individual Family Service Plan (this is similar to an IEP, the plan that states services for the child)

That brings us to IEP: Individualized Education Plan (this is used from 3 years and up, not in EI)

OT: Occupational Therapy
PT: Physical Therapy
SLP: Speech Language Pathologist, or our shortcut for saying speech
Sped: special education services
SEIT: Special Education Itinerant Teacher (this is used in CPSE on your IEP, not in EI)
CPSE: Committee for Preschool Special Education (who we meet with when your child ages out of EI, in your district)
SW: Social Work/social worker
AT or AT equip: Assistive Tech equipment (includes specialized braces, walkers, chairs, etc.)
NUT: Nutrition services

Extended visit: technically this visit, by your therapist, is from around 60 minutes or more, typically it is an hour at your home.
Basic visit: this visit by therapists is from 1-59 minutes, but usually about 30 minutes.
Clinic visits: therapy sessions at a clinic/agency
Home-based: visits at your home, also daycare, or community site (library, playground, etc).

Also, here is my plan of what else you need to know about EI:

Part II: How do I know if my child needs EI and who do I contact?
Part III: What are delays and eligible diagnoses?
Part IV: Process for receiving EI services
Part V: Role of EI team (and my job)
Part VI: Transitioning out of EI into CPSE services

Any other things I may think off will make their way in here also.