MckLinky

First off, I feel like I'm in Florida or some tropical jungle. It's warm, sticky then pours, cools off for a bit, gets hot and sunny, then pours again. What is up with this weather? Hmm...might have to build me an ark. But only after this important announcement:

There’s a great new “linky” service available and I wanted to let you know about it. It’s called MckLinky – www.mcklinky.com. After realizing the need for a new, reliable linky capability, Brent Riggs and MckMama got together to create a free, easy to use linky service for all their blog friends.

MckLinky is a free link list feature that allows you to do include lists of other blog links like MckMama does on Not Me! Monday. You can use MckLinky any time you want your blog readers to leave a list of links on your blog. It’s simple, reliable, free...and loads of MckFun!

What is MckLinky? It's how we can all connect our blogs together, say for a contest, or common theme we all post about,etc. Currently, I don't have a contest or thematic post, nor do I have enough blog readers to do so. And, I admit, I just copied her directly and pasted it on here because of many reasons, the rain, the baby brain mush not allowing me to come up with something better, and because what prego couldn't use baby gear? That's what is at stake here. If I share Mcklinky with the world I can enter to win some baby gear. Sounds good right? Great. Try it yourself: http://www.mcklinky.com/



Now you all can link up to me and enter the contest too!

Just one of those days

For every great day, there's it's counterpart. There's always a rotten egg in the bunch. Today was just one of those days. Whatever could irritate me-did. Whatever could cause major hormonal meltdowns-did. From having my maternity shirts shrunk, to finding curtains hung up that I took down to get rid of, to well you name it. It's hard having everyone else take care of your baby, ahem- toddler, little boy, whatever he is now. It's hard having people in your house, it's hard keeping up with so many things. It's hard having people do your laundry in 'not exactly your way'. I appreciate all the help I get, but sometimes I just get frustrated I'm not here getting things done how and when I want. And missing time with Kian.

It's actually been one of those years! So many trials, disappointments, unanswered questions, unknowns, valleys to climb out of, mountains to climb over, and changes. So, so many changes. People disappoint you, time after time. Even when they promise not to. Even when they're not supposed to. Even when you need them. I'm finding out to start inside me and above all to let God help me through this, because otherwise, I couldn't. It's frustrating and it hurts when those who are supposed to be there for you, always, for support, encouragement, even celebration, aren't. I'm wading through uncharted waters, but finding a lot of new supports and strengthening other relationships in the meantime. It's just sad when the one person you want and need to acknowledge you and hold you up, can't or doesn't. Kevin tries to step in and do the best he can. I appreciate that a lot. But, sometimes it's just not the same.

I try as best I can but sometimes I just can't. And I just need to let it all go. That may mean crying for an hour straight, or taking off in the car to drive it away, or hitting the treadmill and weights. Or in tonight's case-all three. Being pregnant and hormonal and uncomfortable really just makes it all worse. I won't even begin to make a list of things that have gone "wrong" this year alone. According to me, anyways, I suppose God knows what He's doing with this all. But, for me the puzzle pieces don't even look like they came from the same box! I'm glad all I have to do is ask and He's there. Whether it's a song on the radio, a supportive email, a note, a thank you from a client, a squeeze from Kian, or Kian singing his heart out to his baby brother, God knows I need something and He gives it to me. The day brightens.

Lest you think I am this morbidly depressed person-I am not. Hormonal mood swings hit me in major waves last time, too. Laughing can turn into a huge puddle of hormonal meltdown for no reason. That reason could even be a commercial. And it's just some added stress with various things going on at work and in family, along with concerns for this baby, that have made mountains of molehills I suppose. It always has to be lots on one day, then nothing for awhile, then several things on one day again. When it rains, it pours right? And all those small things just feel so gigantic when you're feeling gigantic and emotional.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will make no conditions on tomorrow. I will not put today's "junk" on tomorrow already. When I go to bed, I will sleep and I will leave it there. I will wake up renewed and ready to find joy in Tuesday. Even if it rains.

Nesting

It's in full force. I've been on a cleaning frenzy. Well, not just cleaning. There's organizing, rearranging, painting, moving furniture from various rooms...you get the idea. The baby's room is all painted. I'll take pics this week. I did the steam cleaner on the rug. We have just used the room for storage so didn't do much since we moved in, but those people were dirty in there! The carpet was yuck! I cleaned it twice and rinsed it twice (that means lots of dumping and refilling of the water tank) and after forever, the water was still not perfectly clean when I finished. But it look much, much better. And smells good too.

We put the white nursery furniture in the baby's room and gave Kian the "big boy" dresser. It's wooden, and it's low enough that I use it as a changing table and a dresser. That means less stuff in his room and a little more play space. Now just to find a home for some leftover junk. House is feeling much more organized. And we've officially repainted/redone every room in the house now! Only took 3 years =)

This nesting urge is still strong, and I think I will tackle some closets this week that need re-organizing and rearranging. And then to purge some more junk from my house. It feels good to get rid of stuff and have things actually organized in a way that makes sense! But, since I've been on my feet all day, I think it's time for a date with a bowl of Pecan Praline.

ahhhh

After the party craziness, this week has been a bit slower. And I rather like it. Monday I caught Kian's nasty cold and cough and only worked 2 hours. We came home and took a nice long nap. It was greaaaaat! I've had a lot of meetings this week, but it just seems slower around here.

Work is slowing down, not as much meetings or paperwork to do. Home is relaxed, party is over, my baby is now 2. I'm still getting used to saying he's two! The weather is finally cooperating. Today was upper 80's and humid. I was in the office all day and by the time I went to leave it was raining and thundering pretty good, so it cooled off. I didn't actually get to feel the heat and humidity today. I am not sure how I feel about that...good or bad?

That left tonight's weather absolutely perfect. We went to Black Creek park and played on the playground and the boys fished in the pond for awhile. Kian is practicing with his new fishing pole and the rubber fish on the end. We'll leave that there for a bit until he gets the hang of it, instead of slapping the water with it and throwing it in my eyes. Much safer than hooks, I'm sure you'll agree. However, it is a weird orange outside from the clouds and humidity...hmm...

Tomorrow should be a nice easy day at work and then it's free and open weekend to relax and get things done. Kevin's been painting the baby's room and it needs a little touch up, paint the closet, and finish the trim. Not bad. Then we can work on getting it put back together. We may take a trip to the zoo this weekend as well. Then again in July, so we can get a little more use out of it before our membership ends. (These are the things I start putting on my Christmas and birthday list for the kids, so we have things to do!) And maybe Jon will assist us at Home Depot spending more money on trim and baseboard this weekend? He's good at that...

I'm just thankful things are winding down, in some areas anyway, and that I'm feeling a lot less stressed. Ultrasound on July 1st again, excited to see his little face and how he's grown in the last 5 weeks. Fingers crossed I get my favorite tech! Off to sneak a little ice cream and cozy up on the couch with the breeze blowing...

Birthday pics

Welcome to Two. I hope it is as good to you (and us) as one was!


I don't think I've stopped moving in 3 days, except the 2 hour nap Kian and I took this afternoon. I had to, I haven't in a long time, but I got hit with the nasty cold and yucky cough that Kian had last week. I came home early to rest up. And will be hitting the sack again shortly. Kevin is upstairs painting the baby's room. Go Kevin!

This was Monday or Tuesday night, I'm not sure which. Before the torrential, never-ending rain started. They were herding the geese in Churchville Park.

Kian throwing rocks in the creek-kept him entertained for at least an hour.

Kevin fishing under the bridge. I like this, now I need to figure out how to use it in some good pictures.

Too cute.



It rained for at least 3 days straight. By Saturday, we were all miserable. I was trying to bake and decorate cakes, while Kevin finished up last minute cleaning and Kian just wanted to go outside. I told Keivn to just take him out, I didn't care where, I didn't care for how long and I didn't care how wet they got. They went back to Black creek (it wasn't raining there-go figure) and fished and played in the water so I could finish everything in the house.


Luckily, the rain stopped around 4:30 am on Sunday, the sun came out and dried everything up just in time for the party. It went well, plenty of food (I always worry I don't have enough) even though I did mess up the potato salad! I used Russet instead of white potatoes--such a shame, sorry Gram! But, Kian had a blast!

Loving his new baseball set from Gramps
Yes, he's batting right in this picture, he bats left mostly, but is a switch hitter. I hear they make more money...same with left handed pitchers? =D



Of course a box is a great present as well!



Patrick & Savannah aka "Packy & Nannah"

Kenny giving Kian a ride in his new wagon

Kiara trying out the tee-ball

Kian's new train table from the in-laws

First fishing pole from Pat & Savannah
love his zoo birthday crown from school?



Courtesy of Elissa: me with the so-so cake
(the engine car just would not come out right! pieces were sliding all over!)



Kian blowing out his candle--almost burning his lips off!


Next year...it's just cake and ice cream party. Sorry, no more barbeques and Wegmans' catered lunches! =) I'm sure Kian will want friends at next year's party, and that will be an awful lot of work, so cake and ice cream only! Besides it will be baby #2's first birthday next year, I guess he'll get the big party.

Two!

My baby boy is TWO!! How did that happen already? Talk about time flying right by. Maybe it's because I am pregnant this June again, but I can feel, hear, see, smell everything about that day he was born. And, most of it wasn't too pretty. But, he was perfect and it was all so worth it.

It's amazing to see such distinct features of both Kevin and I in him at various times. He is such a mix of the two of us, yet very much his own person. He's got amazing energy, if I didn't remind him or put him down for sleep, he wouldn't. He's snuggly when he wants to be, but much more so lately. (It's as if he knows his only child status is coming to an end shortly and making the most of it!) His big blue eyes, and curly, crazy hair make me just want to eat him up. He's lost most of that "baby fat" and is getting taller and looking like such a little boy now.

I am amazed by all he does and knows. He is definitely a sponge. Remembering too much at times. And persistent, the boy does. not. give up. Ever. He will make sure I hear him loud and clear and remind me until I do it. Distraction works sometimes, but he can be so focused at times. I'm sure this will come in handy down the road with school work or hobbies, but it can wear on a person.

Of course, his incredible vocabulary and language only adds to the ability of non-stop reminders. He loves to learn everything and remembers names and labels of anything you tell him or show him. Awhile back Kevin and I stopped and looked at each other because we realized he had just sung the entire alphabet song, on his own. Um, what? We sing it, but not that much. I'm sure they sing it at daycare also, but for him to remember it all, so young, pretty incredible. He uses lots of phrases (even ones we don't want him to hear and repeat) and is now putting all those little words in there for proper grammar (the, is, a, etc.). That makes it easier for us to know exactly what he means. He can name more animals than I can count, and speaking of, he counts to 16 now. He'll look at things and without counting out loud just say "2 elephants" or "3 trucks".



Ahh yes, trucks. True to every little boy stereotype he loves trucks, trains, tractors, and cars. He has a wide variety of toys, even a baby doll, but this is his current obsession. And we talk about them and he tells me the scooper or the digger. I'll have to educate myself to continue keeping up with him. Of course, bugs are also on the list, but mostly to point them out and get excited about them. He has tried to pet a bee, luckily I caught him first. He still loves books more than anything and can now recite them word for word, page by page.

Kian also thinks he's a lot bigger and older than he is, by default of being the oldest/only child. I see this as my childhood trait as well. Kevin was/is the baby and never seems to get that. Kian thinks he can play every sport and game and do every activity, no matter what it is, that older kids or adults do. Today he cried and cried until Kevin played pool with him. Then he begged and cried Kevin to go fishing. "Daddy go fishing pole!" Over and over. I said that I didn't care if it was raining, I needed to finish a cake and clean the house and would Kevin please just take him?! They did and had a blast. Try telling a 2 year old he isn't old enough to cut with a knife, play pool, use daddy's drill, to name a few. It does not go over well. I'm all about the teaching him to use some things appropriately under our watch or use stand ins for the same idea. Kevin, not so much-just tells him he's too little. But, I don't want to squash his enthusiasm and love of learning. And yes, there are boundaries and I do say no and there are limits to what he can do.

I look forward to see Kian become a big brother. I know there will be some rough times, but I think he will do an amazing job of caring for, helping with, and teaching his little brother so many things. I pray his personality doesn't change, his persistence and hungry mind continue to grow and develop. I love him being mommy's boy and hope he always remembers that. I love his independence but also his need to come back and fill up on snuggles and to have us explain and teach him more. I even love when he tries to be naughty but just can't because he's laughing too hard and he knows he wants to please us too. Even though I am not the social part of this marriage, Kian gets that from Kevin, I love that he is uninhibited in most social situations and his willingness to try new things. I hope to foster that and I know it will take him far and let him discover so much in life.



To my dear, sweet imp, the shadow of a baby behind a little boy, who's eyes sparkle with joy and even naughtiness, who's hugs are tight squeezes, who loves to pet his baby brother, who can't sit without questioning and learning life, who is my pure joy, day in and day out, who's giggles make a bad day go away in an instant, I love you more than you know and hope you have a great second birthday. Always know you are special because you made us parents. May this new year be a blessed one as you forge a new relationship with your baby brother and we get to know you even more. May you never stop loving to learn and continue to amaze with all you do. I love you! Happy 2nd Birthday Kian!

Sweetest boy

My baby is about to turn two. Then I will have another baby to take over that role, but not his place. Kian is the sweetest thing ever, except when he's not. But, more often than not, he's his sweet, happy, smiley, silly self. I wish I had a camera, or video of bedtime tonight. He's still recuperating from a nasty cough/fever thing and is just plain whipped. I lay in bed with him and read some stories and say prayers. (Hey, it's easier on this prego body rather than balancing on the edge of a race car bed!) He loves to talk to 'baby brother' and always tells me to "open baby brother" -meaning pull back the shirt so he can talk and touch my belly. He always says hi and tells me he's "petting" baby brother. Sometimes he kisses him. Tonight, he was so tired, he lay real close to me and curled around my belly. He draped an arm over my belly and said "hug baby brother, sleep with baby brother". And just laid there, falling asleep. He now loves to talk about him, that he'll cry and need to eat and will come out when he gets bigger soon, etc. Although, when I told him we'd go to the hospital and mommy would push baby brother out of her tummy he started pushing on it and said "push belly, come out baby brother". Too smart, too cute, too much!

Kian-isms

Now that he's talking he's saying silly things. I want to remember the goofy things he says. Of course it'd be good fodder for embarrassing him in the teenage years...

On the way home from daycare, we were talking about his birthday in a few days and how old he will turn. I said "Kian how old will you be?" Without missing a beat he says "Five." I asked again, and he said five again. He thinks he's that old. He'd love to be that old already.

While picking him up to go upstairs and make dinner he coughed in my face. We always talk about covering your mouth while you cough. He remembers about half the time. So I said "Remember, cover your mouth when you cough". He leans towards me, puts his hand over my mouth and coughs again. Better than nothing I guess?

We're off to make dinner, and he asked for lemon juice to drink. Aka lemonade. He'd totally drink plain old lemon juice, seeing how he loves to eat lemons whole. Gets that from his mama. Now on to the "maconi and cheese".

New Swingset!

We got Kian a swing set for his birthday! Here's Kevin trying to figure out the (of course) Chinese-made parts with the worst instructions we've ever seen!


There may have been lots of yelling, throwing, dropping pieces and losing screws under the deck...

But it's finished.



And he loves it.

Injecting some humor

Gotta lighten this blog up a bit! Since forcing myself to decide to be less stressed I've been relaxing a bit more. Even if my body is falling apart! So, last night I was talking to my sister on instant messenger program. Here is our conversation:

Kourtney: I hurt

Me: me too!

K: my chest hurts

Me: my groin hurts

K: my shoulder hurts

Me: my pelvis hurts

K: my palms and hands hurt

Me: my thighs hurt

K: it hurts when I lay down even

Me: it hurts when I walk even

K: I'm nauseous

Me: I have heartburn

Me: I get up to pee 3 times a night, beat that!

K: ok I only get up once.

Me: "My hair's moving...I don't know how much longer I can complain!" haha Homer.

K: Huh?

Me: it's from the Simpson's, never mind. Go to bed and we'll see who wins the complainingest tomorrow.

Maybe it's only funny to me. She was in a car accident, that is why she is sore and in pain. She hit a kid who didn't stop at the sign at the intersection and she couldn't stop. He got ticketed and a bloody concussion. She just has some bruises. Lucky kid. She also needs a new car though, not so good! Me? My pelvis/pubic bone is literally separating and I can barely walk. Dang hormones, dang pregnancy! I went to the chiro to have my back and pelvis fixed, but it actually hurts more now! Of course, I read that actually realigning them might make it worse, after I had her do it!

*This picture has nothing to do with this post, I just liked it. He's so big.


But, the funniest thing was Friday night, I couldn't stop laughing- And I was so upset because the video camera wasn't charged and I still can't find the darn charger. But, I had the laser light out for the cats to play with and they were going crazy. All of a sudden, here comes Kian in his diaper and t-shirt, chasing the laser light too! He's on the floor crawling after it, he's zooming his trucks after it and on it. We had two cats and a toddler all chasing a dumb light. It was the funniest sight, maybe you had to actually see it. I will charge the camera and get it up here soon. Ooooh, it's things like that, that can destress you. And now to continue with my destressing program I shall take the paper and a snack and a drink out to sit in the (finally) warm sun! Happy Sunday!

Let's get real

I'm about to spew. And I don't mean with the flu. I think my stress level is so ridiculously high that I might go over the edge here. Figuratively, of course...I think. This year, it's been a tumultuous one. There have been high highs and very low lows. And me? I hate roller coasters! So, please, can we stop this ride and let me off? I'd prefer to the teacups thanks.

I've already posted about the concerns and issues with the baby. ("The baby", he'll have a name soon, I think we're close!) That is scary, stressful, and we're still monitoring his growth and cord conditions. But, thankfully, all looks well, and we are dealing well with it now. But, of course I still worry. Then he jabs me with an elbow or knee and I tell him, "just wait kid, til your brother gets a hold of you!"

Work has truly been difficult lately. We've gone through 6 months with no supervisor, then we hired one who came in and changed many things. But, after just 2 months she's out on maternity leave so things go back to wacky again. It's much more difficult this time around, than when I was pregnant with Kian. I only had myself to worry about, but this time I have to get him ready and some place before I get to work. That means lots of late days. And the outside other stressors make me not be able to or not want to focus on clients piddly problems while knowing my own are looming large. But, I will muddle through until September 4th, if not sooner!

Kevin and I are doing fine. We have our ups and downs, like any couple. They don't last long, and it's probably more because of my hormones and his getting up too early for work. It's never serious. He's been a good support for me lately with baby issues and with the train wreck that has descended upon my family. He's not exactly emotional and is unsure at times of what to do, but he tries so hard and is so helpful. (except, where were you this morning when Kian had diarrhea all over his pajamas and couch? huh?!)

So, yes the train wreck. Who came up with that analogy anyways? It wasn't that super fast smash of two trains colliding head on. It's more like...hmm, what is it like? Steadily building pressure, inflammation, heat, and you know eventually it's going to blow. I guess a volcano is the best way to describe it. You can feel it coming, see it starting below the surface, and you know it's going to blow. But, you don't know when, or how. And you see some lava starting to leak through the cracks, but you can't stop it now. Then...BAM! It erupts, and ash and lava cover everything in it's wake. Hmm.. yes, that's it.

Time to get real. Real honest. Real raw. You want the truth? I can't handle the truth, but maybe you can. I won't go into details, as I find them too painful, embarrassing and unnecessary anymore. My parents, they no longer live together. There, the truth is out. Doesn't make it any better though does it? I do not enjoy being the bearer of such news. I do not enjoy having to know it either. So many things have come into play and been building, and there's so much more to the story, but it's not mine to tell at this time. And so it's done.

And now, that's where we are. It's truly been a difficult thing for me. It makes me feel like my childhood was just a dream or a farce. It makes me questions how I engage in my marriage to negate anything that might lead me down that same path. Generational curse. I intend to break this and create a new legacy for this family. God help me. And so, you now now the rest of the story. You know my reasons for extreme stress and emotional ups and downs and craziness. Baby + work + family + regular every day living + being pregnant= quite the combination. poor Kian, poor Kevin.

I know it will get better, it will get easier. I know I won't be pregnant for ever and focusing on this baby is helpful, as we get excited and prepare Kian for his baby brother. With all the stress I've had to pull back the reins on how involved I am allowing myself to become. I can't fix anyone, no one listens to me anyways. The other night when I was so upset with my mother, the adrenaline was pumping, I was shaking and I finally laid down and this poor baby was doing somersaults and break dancing in there. Oops! Sorry baby! Made me realize, I can't keep this up. So, I've resolved to take it slower, take it easier. To focus on me, on my little family, and make sure we're all happy and good. As the saying goes to realize the "things I cannot change" and just take care of me.

Stop this roller coaster now sir, I'm getting off! And I am going to lay back in the lazy river for awhile...excuse me.

Shattered

Is when you look at the shards in your hands, and strewn about the floor and you realize, everything has changed. From this moment on, nothing is the same, ever again. There is no going back. There's no blueprint for the future. It just is. And somehow, you have to create and find a normalcy in the broken pieces.







I, I don't like change.

2 years (almost)

Today we had Kian's 2 year check up. I have to admit I find these things extremely boring. I work in Early Intervention, with child development, my child is right on target or ahead in most areas so when they run through their list of questions about all his development, what he's doing saying, etc. It's tedious. Oh well. That's his job. I sometimes wonder why we bother with well child checkups?

Anyways. Kian grew an inch or so (they mis-measured last time and didn't get an accurate reading) he's grown 3.5 inches since 15 months. He weighs 28.5 lbs. We thought he was a bit more than that, but he looks like he's grown and thinned out lately. Probably all the running around he does, non-stop. Everything else, fine.



The doctor asks about his verbal skills, if he's putting words together for sentences. I said yes. Then he asks about discipline, I said he's had a few times outs due to hitting the cats, but other than that he's easily redirected and good-natured. On cue, Kian decides to show off both skills by saying "I'll beat you cat!" three times. Good, Lord! Thanks, Kian. Now the doctor won't watch us for beatings or anything! Ugh!

Other than that and the fact they always want to have him come in right during nap time, which is super annoying, and that I had to blow off the lecture about vaccines, we're good to go until next year. But, we'll be back with #2 in the fall...



Dancing in the water (as he calls it) after painting outside. Crazy boy.

Moving on up...and thoughts..

I keep having these "great" ideas and things I want to blog about but just haven't had a minute to do it. Or been able to download (or is it upload?) the pictures from the camera to the computer. And it's not even like we've been doing anything out of the ordinary, just every day stuff keeping us busy. The weather is nice, cool, but great for being outside. We've been taking walks and playing out a lot. Kian is at the age where he can do a lot more, wants to do a lot more, but also wants to do a lot of things he can't quite do yet. (playing basketball on the big hoop, helping with the paint, grill, lawn mowing, etc.) That means a lot of frustration, for all of us, sometimes.

But, he is doing great at daycare. We had a week or so when he was pushing kids. And he'd tell me "push Cole, push Jacob" once we were in the car on the way home. Great, Kian, let's not be known as that kid. We talked about it but he still had a slight issue. This week though, he's moved up (mostly) to the new class of 2-3 year olds. (He's currently in the 14 month-24 month class and he is the oldest and biggest, and most verbal, and rather bored I think.) He's doing great over there! They typically have the kids transition for a couple hours each day the first week. Kian was in the new room for 6+ hours the first day, because fit in so well. And he doesn't push those kids around, yeah they're slightly bigger than him. He tells me what he plays with during the day now and who he plays with and has already learned the older kids' names. Now, I just need to meet the teachers!

I'm glad he's adjusting so well, but then it makes me feel a little guilty as I think we plan on taking him out of daycare in the fall. I am almost positive we'll be keeping him home with me and the baby, er rather I'm almost positive I'll be staying home with them. It's just not cost effective for me to work and pay my entire salary to someone else to watch my kids. I can do that for free. Although, lately he's been asking to stay home and asking to go back home. And he loves when Kevin and I are home together, says "mommy and daddy home" or "mommy and daddy and Kian home." I told him soon we'll all stay home together. We'll find things to do and be with other kids so he won't be bored with just me and a newborn all the time.

This weekend we're going to look for a swing set for him-his birthday present. The kid is bored in our backyard. There's only so much tiny sandbox and one small slide can do for him. He needs more activity and it will be used for years and years to come. Then I need to think of his small party coming up for his second (second? two? already?!) birthday. Just the immediate family again, easier this way. Babies and toddlers don't need lots of parties and lots of gifts. They can't focus enough to open them all anyways, and they get so overwhelmed with what's going on and the picture taking, the people, the food, the gift wrap, etc. I may attempt a train cake, or truck, or tractor, or whatever he tells me this week. We shall see what we come up with!